Things Harry & the gang would never say... AGAIN!!

[Vaan-Knight]

It's time!!

I thought we could do this using the old SH1 thread, but the new gang and new happenings are too different, and there are so many spoilers we would be using for these jokes, that it would become a mess.

Take note that the thread's name was taken from one of Dr. Eggnog's comments, I take no credit.

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Old blocky Harry is chatting with old blocky Cybil about the differences between games.

Harry: It looks like the developers finally took note of the thousands of sexual oriented comments in this forum...

Cybil: You mean the dozens of sleazy posters?

Harry: SH:SM... Even the title is making me all hot and sweatty!!!

Cybil: Do shattered memories make you horny...?

Harry: ...Is it not "Silent Hill: Sadism & Masochism"?

[blacky]

*The Boat Scene*

Harry: "Oh Dahlia!"

Dahlia: "Harry!"

Harry: "Oh Dahlia!"

Dahlia: "Harry!"

Harry: "Oh Dahlia!"

Dahlia: "Harry!"

Harry: "Hang on, I am going to put my glasses on, ARRRGGGHHHH! YOU'RE NOT MY DAHLIA!"

SH1 Dahlia: (for it is she) "I've found a way to lie with a man by by posing as my other self! This is a glorious day indeed!"

Harry: "GET OUT OF HERE YOU FILTHY HAG!..........God, I am going to need twenty cold showers now""

[Vaan-Knight]

Harry behaves like a good family man and meets Cybil. She is wearing a necktie and a heavy jacket.

Harry: Meh... not as sexy as they said.

Next time, Harry meets Cybyl after being careless and cold hearted.

Harry: black leather? well, that's at least something...

Then Harry meets Cybil after looking at some girly posters and being a little pervy.

Harry: Whoooho! nice cleavage! I wonder...

Now Harry has an idea. He takes all his clothes off, humps all the mannequins he sees, rubs himself against all the posters and calls several times to as many sex-lines he knows, he even has sex with the teddy bear in his car.

Harry: OK, time to go and see the ultimate Cybil!

Harry enters the Diner, from the outside we hear:

Male voice: Hello there!

Harry: Pyramid Head?! what the f-- Hey, let me go!! nooo!! that's my private place!!! what are you doing down there? ...Hey, that didn't feel so bad...

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Moral: Take heed of this lesson kids, don't go overboard with the in-game psychological interactions, remember: "this game plays you as much as you play it"

[Father Vincent]

Dahlia: I taste sweet, don't I?
Harry: Honey, you taste like a pharmacy. Get yourself in a program, willya?

[dreggnog]

^Vaan-Knight's last one is great.


It's an advertisement for Silent Hill: Shattered Memories. A little kid is playing.

A monster leaps on Harry. The screen suddenly flashes SHAKE LIKE A SPAGHETTI NOODLE!!!

The little kid wiggles and shakes.

---

Dr. Eggnog is playing SH: SM, moving Harry around the game world and getting a little bored.

Nogg: "Hmmm, I wonder."

Eggnog grabs the Wiimote and rubs up and down on it.

Harry starts masturbating.

Nogg: "OH MY GOD!!!"

[Vaan-Knight]

Sid and Nancy are chatting inside Dahlia's shirt.

Sid: I dunno about you, but feel kinda different today...

Nancy: Yeah... I feel a little down...

Sid: Aww, don't be sad, I'm sure things will improve.

Nancy: No, I mean it literally... We're really in a much lower position...

Sid: And kind of less... firm. Could it be...?

SH1 Dahlia: Quiet you two! Now you belong to me! that child had nothing to do with such a nice pair!!

Sid & Nancy:

SH1 Harry: Huh? new boobs? what's going on with those new boobs?

[dreggnog]

Harry: "I've got something to pin on you this time!"

New Harry: "Huh?"

(Harry pulls out old looking charter, opens it up, puts on spectacles)

Harry: "Well, it says in this here charter that your great-grandpappy Mason had sex with my great-grandpappy's goat and that I'm entitled to three fifths of your land and sex with three of your wives."

New Harry: "My one and only wife is dead!" (unless they changed that, haven't played the game)

Harry: "Well, I think we can...ahem..." (takes off glasses, looks right at New Harry) "...find a way to amend this little occurrence."

New Harry: "Oh God no..."

[blacky]

Harry: "Cybil, just in case we need to get in contact, give me your phone number!"

Cybil: "Sigh, If I must, okay, it's 095..."

Harry: "Whoa! Slow down please!"

Cybil: "0........9......5"

Harry: "Right, 095 095...."

Cybil: "No it's just 095 to start with"

Harry: "095 095 095"

Cybil: "No! Look can we start again?"

Harry: "Cybil, just in case we need to get in contact....."

Cybil: "Not our conversation! Just the phone number!"

Harry: "095 095 095?"

Cybil: "No! Look, just forget everything!"

Harry: "Who am I? Where am I? And who the hell are you?"

Cybil:

[Lolli]

The end of the game, Dr. K is wittering on when the door to the room opens and in walks a bunch of random men dressed in red.

Men: Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

Cheryl:

Dr. K:

Audience:

[Lolli]

At the end of the game.....again.

Kaufman: *Throws glass against wall* IT WAS A FANTASY, GET OVER IT!

Cheryl: Geez what the heck is your problem, what am I paying you for anyway?

Kaufman: Well...I can't help it...I have some bad habits. It all goes back to my childhood.

Cheryl: Come and have a seat, tell me all about it.

Later.

Kaufman: And I've never been the same since *sniff*

Cheryl: I see, this is very interesting *jots notes on paper*

There is a knock on the door.

James: Erm, I seem to have accidentally smothered Maria, I may need another session soon.

Travis: *Pushing past* My reflection threatened to kill me again!

Heather: Aliens keep telling me to destroy everything.

Henry: Where am I, this isn't my house??

Eileen: *Posessed* djgjhgsjkmmdkoelqkdmsndhgjsngsmgnsrjgns!

Alex: Why don't you love me dad, all I want is for you to love me!!

Cheryl: ..............

[blacky]

Harry: "Cybil quick! Where are my glasses?"

Cybil: "They are on your face!"

Harry: "Not those glasses! I mean the ones filled with scotch and gin!"

Cybil: "Don't you think you should be searching for your daughter?"

Harry: "No I am pretty sure I should be looking for my scotch and gin!"

Cybil: "I guess I am stuck with the arsehole father Harry"

SH1 Harry: "Ha! At least I am always the same person no matter what the player does, unlike mr fickle over there"

Cybil: "Yeah, you're always a dumbass!"

SH1 Harry: "That was harsh"

[dreggnog]

Dr. Eggnog takes the Wiimote and shoves it up his anus.

Harry: "OH GAWWWWWD!!! THIS IS AWFUL!!! I CAN FEEEEEL IT!!! EWWWWWW!!! DO YOU REALLY HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO WITH YOUR TIME!? I HATE YOU!! AUUUUGGGGGGHHHH!!!"

[Lolli]

Harry wakes up on the boat. Lying in the bed beside him is Dahlia only now she is forty years older, and frozen.

Harry: OH MY GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE!

[dreggnog]

Harry: "Well I thought we could settle this peacefully but I was wrong."

Harry hits New Harry in the balls with a sledgehammer.

Harry: "HA! I finally got revenge on you for existing!"

New Harry is on the ground, moaning and holding his balls.

Harry: "Huh. Wow, I actually feel kinda bad for this. I mean, that musta HURT!"

[blacky]

*Harry is laughing like a little school girl....*

Cybil: "What the hell is so funny?"

Harry: "I've stolen Doctor kaufman's questionnaire!"

Cybil: "What you mean the questionnaire that changes elements of the game if you fill certain bits in?"

Harry: "Hehe yes! Watch this!"

*Harry ticks a few questions and Cybil turns into her Sexualized self*

Harry: "Sexy Cybil"

*He ticks the alternative choices of the questionnaire and cybil turns into her police outift self*

Harry: "Boring Cybil"

Cybil: "Quit it!"

*Harry keeps changing the choices on the questionnaire so cybil keeps going from her Sexualized self to her police outift self over and over again*

Harry: "Sexy Cybil, Boring Cybil, Sexy Cybil, Boring Cybil, Sexy Cybil, Boring Cybil"

Cybil: