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Post by blacky on Mar 7, 2009 22:27:18 GMT
Jamesy The Explorer James: "What's this I have just found? Do you know what it is?" *Silent pause*James: "That's right! It's a map!" Map: "If there's a place you got to go I'm the one you need to know I'm the Map I'm the Map I'm the Map If there's a place you got to get I can get you there I bet I'm the Map I'm the Map I'm the Map I'm the Map I'm the Map I'm the Map I'm the Map I'm the Map I'm the Map I'm the Map I'm the Map I'm the Map!" *while this is happening Pyramid appears sneaking up on James*James: "Oh no It's tormentor! You guys know what to say right?" *Silent pause*James: "That's right! Tormentor no tormenting! Tormentor no tormenting!" Pyramid head: "Oh man!" *Pyramid head sulks off* James: "Yay! We did it! We did it! We did it! Yay!"
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Post by Lolli on Mar 8, 2009 17:57:45 GMT
James: Hey Maria watch this
James places a burger on the floor outside the bowling alley then he and Maria hide behind a car.
James: Now all we have to do is wait for Eddie to leave the building.
Maria: Um, what exactly is in that burger?
James: Only a speck of LSD.
Maria: I'm not so sure this is a good idea.
James: Don't worry it'll be a blast. He'll leave via those doors, spot the burger, pick it up, take a bite and BAM, we'll jump out and shout surprise.
Eddie exits the bowling alley, spots the burger and picks it up examining it before taing a bite.
James: *Jumping out from behind the car* SURPRISE!
Eddie falls on the floor suffering from convulsions
Maria: Oh my God! We need to get help, call an ambulance or something.
James: He's fine look at him, rolling around in excitement...Coughing and spluttering in excitement...lying completely still..in excite..ment.....OK if anyone asks Laura did it.
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Nat
Creeper
ARI comment: Stop using ARI
Posts: 44
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Post by Nat on Mar 9, 2009 22:22:19 GMT
James- Mary?!
Pyramid Head- Do I look like your girlfriend?
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Post by The Crimson One on Mar 14, 2009 18:10:26 GMT
James- "Special Place"...does she mean her ass? Or that gloryhole in that bathroom by the interstate? (Cue intro bathroom scene)
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Post by Lolli on Mar 14, 2009 23:32:13 GMT
James: How about you and I go for a drink sometime? Maria: Get away from that nurse!
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Post by blacky on Mar 15, 2009 0:55:23 GMT
*James Meets Maria in the labyrinth*
James: "Maria, it's you!"
Maria: "Yes it's me"
James: "I thought you were dead!"
Maria: "No that's just the smell I give off"
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Post by strambo on Mar 24, 2009 11:52:04 GMT
James spearheads his and Marias escape down the narrow corridor yellin'; "last man on the lift gets a giant 10 foot rusty blade up the butt!!"
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Post by Lolli on Mar 25, 2009 20:20:56 GMT
Pyramid Head: *Running towards lift* Hold the elevator, hold the elevator!
PH accidentally impales Maria causing her hand to jam in the crevice
James: God dammit! I can't close the damn door, move your damn hand woman!
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Nat
Creeper
ARI comment: Stop using ARI
Posts: 44
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Post by Nat on Mar 31, 2009 11:21:11 GMT
James- I found a tin! Maria- Yeah... James- ...it was full of lightbulbs! How weird is that?! Maria- Ok. I am the exact double of your dead wife, who incidentally sent you a letter which lead you to a town full of monsters... and the tin is what you find weird.
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Post by Blackdog on Mar 31, 2009 17:03:14 GMT
James: Hi, have you seen a little girl? Long, blonde hair? About ten years old?
Maria: What, she's your daughter?
James: %£"^&$% no! I just want to beat the living hell out of her until she's nothing but a puddle of blood!
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Post by blacky on Apr 6, 2009 0:54:39 GMT
Pyramid head: "You're the one that I want. you are the one i want, o,o, oooo, honey. The one that I want. you are the one i want want, o,o,oooo, honey. The one that I want, you are the one i want want, o,o, ooooo The one I need. Oh, yes indeed!" James:
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Post by Lolli on Apr 7, 2009 14:48:10 GMT
James is sat at the bar in Heaven's night
Maria: James I need to ask you a favour.
James: Hmm.
Maria: It's ladies night tonight but the male strippers we ordered have been absorbed by the otherworld, any chance you could help out?
James: I'll see what I can do.
That night.
Maria: How come you're not here with Henry?
Eileen: He said he had some business to take care of and that he'd meet me here later.
Just then the lights dim and the women are plunged into darkness. Among them are Cybil, Dahlia, Elle and Heather. A spotlight lands on the stage and the curtain draws up to reveal five men dressed in various costumes from police officer to construction worker.
Alex: (Whispering) Why couldn't I be the soldier?
James: Stop moaning already.
The Village People's YMCA begins to play and the five men start dancing in synch. As the song reaches the chorus the women wait in anticipation. The chorus begins and as it does all five men whip of their costumes revelaing tiny thongs.
Eileen: Oh my God, Henry is that you!?
On stage Henry, Harry, James, Alex and Douglas stand with their hands cupping their now naked genitals.
Heather: My eyeeeeeees!
Henry: So what do you think Eileen?
Eileen eyes Henry up
Eileen: Seen bigger.
And that's how James single handedly put together a band of male strippers and made ladies night a success.
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Father Vincent
Lying Figure
What's wrong? You don't trust me?
Shuwatch!
Posts: 367
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Post by Father Vincent on Apr 8, 2009 2:45:37 GMT
Pyramid Head steps out in the hospital basement corridor, Barry White's "Can't Get Enough of Your Love, Babe" plays in the background. PH holds a glass of red wine in one hand and extends another glass to Maria
Maria: Ooh . . .
Maria takes the glass of wine. She and PH walk back down the corridor, arm round each other's waist.
James: What the hell was that?
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lemex
Mumbler
SHF Scribe '11[/b
Posts: 94
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Post by lemex on Apr 9, 2009 12:57:32 GMT
James: OK, so let me get this straight for a minute. I'm in an empty town, full of monsters and dead bodies all dressed to look like me, a large Pyrimid-headed thing and a woman who looks like my dead wife yet polor-opposite personality, and who is a bit of a slag ... I wonder what the house prices are like around here.
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Post by Lolli on Apr 9, 2009 16:03:02 GMT
James and Maria are stood outside Heaven's Night, Maria takes out a key from her boot and her pocket to unlock the door. She then reaches into her shirt and fumbles around for another one.Maria: Um, I can't seem to find my third key. James: So how are we going to open that lock? Jubilee jumps out from behind a wallJubilee: I'll help you *points finger at lock* Sparkle sparkle! Lock pops openMaria and James:
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