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Post by blacky on Jul 12, 2009 23:17:35 GMT
James: "Why hello there"
Nurse: "muuuuurrraaah?"
*James walks up to the nurse, pulls out a fifty dollar note and slips it into the monster's cleavage*
James: ;D
*The nurse stares at it for a moment, and then whacks James with it's metal pipe as comes naturally*
James: "Shit, I didn't realise she was an dominatrix!"
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Post by Lolli on Jul 13, 2009 14:39:29 GMT
James finds Eddie sat at a table in the bowling alley, munching away on pizza.
James: Where'd you get that?
Eddie: Otherworld Pizza Hut.
James: Otherworld Pizza Hut?
There is a knock on the door. James opens it.
Corpse: Otherworld KFC, I have a delivery here for a Mr. E. Dombrowski.
Eddie: Over here.
Corpse gives Eddie Pizza and leaves.
James: What was all that about?
Eddie: Ah, I got my Pizza Hut pizza, my KFC chicken and my McDonald's fries. All we need now is a little light music.
Eddie pulls a remote out of nowhere and pushes a button. Disco lights come down and the Fast Food Rockers pop up from behind the counter
FFR: A Pizza Hut, A Pizza Hut Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Pizza hut. McDonald's, McDonald's, Kentucky Fired Chicken and a Pizza hut!
James: Oh. My. GOD! *runs out of bowlarama and right into Maria*
Maria: Whoa, are you okay? What did you see in there?
James: A glimpse of the future, the horrible horrible future.
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Post by dreggnog on Jul 15, 2009 23:15:28 GMT
James walks into the lobby and sees the two Pyramid Heads. James: "Two of them!" He raises his fists and brings them down. James: "THERE'S NO CHIVALRY IN THIS!!!"
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Post by blacky on Jul 15, 2009 23:49:32 GMT
Pyramid head: "As the head of the silent hill government, I have came up with a few new laws I want pass"
Nurse 52: "Oh god, not again!"
Pyramid head: "Hush please. First new law, I am now legalizing full nudity and suggest that silent hill become a dress code free town"
Lying Figure 96: "Why the hell you'd want to do that?"
Pyramid head: "Well you know, with me fucking you guys and anyone else that gets in my way, I just feel that clothes are pointless, It just slows me down in my work"
*The hall is filled by digusted sighs and moans*
Pyramid head: "Second new law, killing the protagonists is now prohibited. Only I can kill them! I want their corpses to be freash when I have my way with them!"
*The hall is filled with more disgusted sighs and moans*
Pyramid head: "And lastly the third new law, I want gay sex to be illegal"
Lying figure 41: "Ilegal? Why?"
Pyramid head: "So that I can feel dirty when I do it!"
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Post by dreggnog on Jul 15, 2009 23:59:31 GMT
James: "Oh God, Pyramid Head is trying to kill me again. First that rhino ate my parents and now this!"
PH: ?
James: "Well, I'll show everyone! I'll go to New York, and there they'll sing to me 'JAMES! JAMES! JAMES! HOW ARE YOU!? ISN'T IT A LOVELY DAY!?' You know what, Pyramid Head? I'm not afraid of you! You hear me!? I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!"
Pyramid Head walks up and impails James with the great knife.
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Post by blacky on Jul 17, 2009 1:18:17 GMT
*At the hotel James finds the can of light bulbs*
James: "FOOD! I've finnally found food! I am so hungry, Eddie woulden't share his pizza the fat bastard!"
*James opens the can with the can opener and starts popping light bulbs into his mouth*
James: "Nom nom nom!..........ARRRGGGH! What the hell? These snacks have glass in them!"
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Post by blackswordsman on Jul 17, 2009 2:26:57 GMT
*James sees PH raping the mannequin*
James: Oh hey, hello there... I see we have rape, bestiality and necrophilia. Now if only that blond girl would walk through this door... *winks*
PH: You sick bastard... *kills James and goes back to raping the mannequin*
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Post by dreggnog on Jul 17, 2009 2:57:42 GMT
Maria: "Don't worry. I know a place. The guy there is masterful. They call him Pyramid Head."
Heather: "Pyramid Head? Never heard of him. Is he good at it?"
Maria: "Oh, he's the best. But you've gotta play by his rules...or else."
Heather: "Or else what."
Maria: "You won't get any. He's really strict about his business. They call him the Sex Nazi."
Heather: "Oh, that's crazy! I'll bet that the whole thing is blown out of proportion."
Maria: "Well, you keep up that attitude and you won't get any sex."
Heather: "Yeah, right. You'll see. I'm walking out of there with an orgasm."
Maria and Heather enter a business called Top of the Pyramid, Maria explaining rules all the way. "It's very important not to embellish on your order. No questions, no compliments."
Maria walks in, immediately steps to the right, walks up to the counter, places her money down, and says, "Double Head, doggie style." She then steps to the left to await her order, Pyramid Head watching closely. Heather watches, amused, as PH gives her what she paid for.
Heather then walks up to the counter. "Umm..." She taps on the counters, looking at PH's penis. "Well..."
PH: "Hurry up, you're holding up the line. That line is my business!"
Heather: "Yeah, yeah.." (PH glares) "Hey, has anyone ever told you, you look like Al Pachino?" (PH grits his teeth) "So anyway, I'll have a Daddy's Little Girl with Heaven's Night sause." She steps to the left, and PH starts moving forward and removing Heather's jacket. "Hey, wait a second, where's my Heaven's Night sause?"
Maria: "Heather, just forget it."
Heather: "No, everyone else got sause. I should get some."
PH: "You want sause? Well, you know what? NO SEX FOR YOU!!" He shoves closed Heather's jacket. "NEXT!!"
Back at Maria's apartment...
Heather: "Sex Nazi is right! What gives him the right to just take back the sex like that?"
Maria: "He's just misunderstood, like any great genius. You know, he gave me this free sex machine once just because I was having a really rough week (hint: the in water ending is the real ending.)"
Heather opens up the machinery and peeks inside.
Heather: "Hey, there are papers in here! This one says, headboard slam, counterclockwise swirl, pinch. These are crib notes! These are the notes for his moves!"
Back at Top of the Pyramid...
Heather walks up to the counter. "We don't need you anymore, Sex Nazi. Look at these papers."
PH: "That is my recipe for Double Helix, Climax, Konami Suplex!! Those are my moves!"
Heather: "You're out, Pyramid Head. It's over. No more sex for you. NEXT!!"
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Post by Kiryū Kazuma on Jul 26, 2009 20:39:37 GMT
Pyramid head: "As the head of the silent hill goverment, I have came up with a few new laws I want pass" Nurse 52: "Oh god, not again!" Pyramid head: "Hush please. First new law, I am now legalizing full nudity and suggest that silent hill become a dress code free town" Lying Figure 96: "Why the hell you'd want to do that?" Pyramid head: "Well you know, with me fucking you guys and anyone else that gets in my way, I just feel that clothes are pointless, It just slows me down in my work" *The hall is filled by digusted sighs and moans*Pyramid head: "Second new law, killing the protagonists is now prohibited. Only I can kill them! I want their corpses to be freash when I have my way with them!" *The hall is filled with more disgusted sighs and moans* Pyramid head: "And lastly the third new law, I want gay sex to be illegal" Lying figure 41: "Ilegal? Why?" Pyramid head: "So that I can feel dirty when I do it!" that alone is worthy of lolin in real life!
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Post by dreggnog on Jul 26, 2009 21:46:02 GMT
In my restless dreams, I see that town...Silent Hill.
James: "In my restless dreams, I see naked people."
You're not supposed to reply to that.
James: "Oh, sorry."
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Post by blacky on Jul 27, 2009 2:33:26 GMT
James: "Hmmm, haven't been harrassed by ol'e red for a while, wonder where he is?" Pyramid head: "Shut ya face! I am comming!" *Pyramid head is walking awkwardly, for he has a nurse with her ass stuck to his crocth* James: Pyramid head: "We got stuck, okay? I don't want to talk about it!" Nurse: "I told him he was too big, But noooooooooooo!"
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Post by dreggnog on Jul 27, 2009 3:31:55 GMT
James: "Hmmm, haven't been harrassed by ol'e red for a while, wonder where he is?" Pyramid head: "Shut ya face! I am comming!" *Pyramid head is walking awkwardly, for he has a nurse with her ass stuck to his crocth* James: Pyramid head: "We got stuck, okay? I don't want to talk about it!" Nurse: "I told him he was too big, But noooooooooooo!" Pyramid Head walks out into the middle of a field with the Nurse stuck to him. He hunches, makes fists, and starts groaning, then screaming. Then, he thruts forward and the Nurse shoots off of his penis. PH: "Twenty-eight feet! New record!"
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Post by Kiryū Kazuma on Jul 27, 2009 21:43:15 GMT
guys just awesome!
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Post by dreggnog on Jul 28, 2009 1:43:14 GMT
There was a joke here. It's gone now.
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Post by Blackdog on Jul 28, 2009 22:20:02 GMT
Mary: You loved that pillow more then you loved me.
James:: But it was made with Goosedown! How could I resist that?!
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