|
Post by Blackdog on Jul 28, 2009 22:26:00 GMT
Heather comes home to find a naked Claudia Gyrating on her father in the chair. There is blood everywhere
Heather: YOU PSYCHO BITCH! You killed my dad! Get off him you trollop!
Claudia gets up followed by a startled Harry.
Harry: Heather?! Shit. You're home early?!!!!
|
|
|
Post by dreggnog on Jul 28, 2009 23:47:32 GMT
Heather: "Oh God, this is so terrifying! This isn't what I thought my day would be like at all!"
Douglas: "What did you think it would be like?"
Heather: "Something more like Zelda, actually."
|
|
|
Post by blacky on Aug 2, 2009 0:16:38 GMT
*Heather finds the bedroom in the otherworldy church thingy* Heather: "Huh? I am back at home? but dad's body isn't here! Just bloody footprints. Could he of.........nah don't be stupid Heather, there's no way his corpse could be walking about!" Distant voice: "Huh? afterlife, what's going on with this afterlife?" Heather: "Or mabye it is after all"
|
|
|
Post by dreggnog on Aug 2, 2009 3:54:35 GMT
Heather: "But I AM Alessa. Oh Claudia, my dear sweet sister."
Claudia: "Oh, well then I guess I'll get right on molesting you then."
Heather: "What?"
Claudia: "Well, Alessa always let me do it, so there's no reason that you wouldn't, unless of course (gasp) you're not really Alessa!"
Heather: "No, no, I am! I'm, uhh, I'm totally Alessa! It's just that, uhh, I have AIDS, and I'm afraid that you might catch it."
Claudia: "Oh, that's okay, I have AIDS too."
Heather: "Oh, umm, well I've got these hideous scars down there that you don't want to see."
Claudia: "I don't care what you look like, dear sister."
Heather: " . . . I'M IMPOTENT! THERE, I SAID IT! I JUST CAN'T DO IT! THERE'S NO FEELING AT ALL ANYMORE!"
Claudia takes her robe off.
Claudia: "We can make it work, Alessa. I'm really dedicated to this."
Heather: " . . . Uhh, yeah, I'm not really Alessa."
Claudia: "That's what I thought."
|
|
|
Post by Lolli on Aug 6, 2009 14:17:43 GMT
Heather comes home to find a naked Claudia Gyrating on her father in the chair. There is blood everywhereHeather: YOU PSYCHO BITCH! You killed my dad! Get off him you trollop! Claudia gets up followed by a startled Harry. Harry: Heather?! Shit. You're home early?!!!! Awesome, lol. ---------------------------------------------------------------- Vincent walks in as Heather is in the library.Vincent: Hiya Heather. Heather: So um, you're a priest right? Vincent: ... Heather: Molest any choir boys lately?
|
|
|
Post by dreggnog on Aug 7, 2009 4:57:29 GMT
Heather meets Vincent for the first time.
Vincent: "Are you the girl who delivers "special favors"? I pictured someone taller."
Heather: "Um, no, I'm the girl who's got God in my womb."
Vincent: "Oh. . . . Well, did you see anyone on your way in?"
Heather: "I could've said anything there, couldn't I?"
|
|
|
Post by Vaan-Knight on Aug 8, 2009 20:12:23 GMT
Heather: You know, one of the neat things about these threads is how the google ads on the top match these sickoes' posts, "Hope and healing for victims of pastoral sexual abuse" Pfft...
Harry: ...Is there something you wanna talk about honey? >.>
|
|
|
Post by dreggnog on Aug 9, 2009 0:37:39 GMT
At the subway, Heather jumps onto the tracks. A train starts coming. She jumps back up onto the platform.
Heather: "Ha! Missed me!"
She does it again, and this train smashes into the first one.
Heather: "Damn. I'm probably gonna be blamed for that."
---
Vincent: Heather, go ahead and kill this crazy bitch!"
Heather: "Um, how 'bout NO! I'm sick a' you, I'm sick a' Douglas, and I'm really f*ckin' tired a' you! (points at Claudia) Screw you guys, I'm going home!"
Heather leaves the church and heads back through the Amusment Park.
Douglas: "Did you kill the evil cult god?"
Heather: "Ah, go screw yourself!" (leaves)
Douglas: "I'll take that as a no."
(crickets chirping)
Douglas: "How the hell am I gonna get out of here?"
|
|
|
Post by Lolli on Aug 9, 2009 10:30:18 GMT
Fighting evil by moonlight Kicking ass by daylight Never running from a real fight She is the one named Princess Heart
She will never turn her back on a friend She is always there to defend She is the one of whom we can depend She is the one named Princeeeeeees....
Princess Douglas Princess Vincent Princess Harry Princess Claudia
Never running from a real fight She is the one named Princess Heart
She is the one Princess Heart!
Princess Heart: Ima firin ma Sexy Beam, argh!
|
|
|
Post by dreggnog on Aug 10, 2009 0:32:07 GMT
Leanord: "DEATH TO ALL THOSE WHO TURN THEIR BACKS ON GOD!!"
Heather: "Oh my God, he's going to kill me!" (curls up into little ball and starts crying and rocking back and forth)
|
|
|
Post by blacky on Aug 10, 2009 1:12:45 GMT
*Heather is grieving over the loss of her daddykins* Heather: Douglas: "Hey Heather how........HOLY SHIT! Is that Harry? Heather is it Harry? Tell me that is not Harry, it is Harry though isn't it? It's him isn't it heather? Harry is dead! So Harry is dead then? He is dead isn't he? Heather? Heather I am asking if he is dead. Yup he's dead alright, look Heather, he's dead. All limp and everything, Heather? Heather are you wacthing? He's totally limp, I can wave his limbs around and everything! Look Heather! Limpness! He is dead alright, you can't be that limp and be alive. Heather! Heather look Harry is dead and limp! Like a big puppet or something. So what are you going to do now that Harry is dead? Can't leave him around dead like that. You don't do that with dead daddies. Do you miss him Heather? Do you miss your daddy? your dead daddy? Do you miss him? your dead daddy? Heather I am asking if you miss your dead daddy. Heather!...Heather!...Heather!...Heather!...Heather!..... Heather! answer me Heather. I just want to know if you miss your dead daddy Heather. Heather!...Heather!...Heather! Heather: "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Douglas: "Whoa, Bossy bitch!"
|
|
|
Post by dreggnog on Aug 10, 2009 2:58:49 GMT
*Heather is grieving over the loss of her daddykins* Heather: Douglas: "Hey Heather how........HOLY SHIT! Is that Harry? Heather is it Harry? Tell me that is not Harry, it is Harry though isn't it? It's him isn't it heather? Harry is dead! So Harry is dead then? He is dead isn't he? Heather? Heather I am asking if he is dead. Yup he's dead alright, look Heather, he's dead. All limp and everything, Heather? Heather are you wacthing? He's totally limp, I can wave his limbs around and everything! Look Heather! Limpness! He is dead alright, you can't be that limp and be alive. Heather! Heather look Harry is dead and limp! Like a big puppet or something. So what are you going to do now that Harry is dead? Can't leave him around dead like that. You don't do that with dead daddies. Do you miss him Heather? Do you miss your daddy? your dead daddy? Do you miss him? your dead daddy? Heather I am asking if you miss your dead daddy. Heather!...Heather!...Heather!...Heather!...Heather!..... Heather! answer me Heather. I just want to know if you miss your dead daddy Heather. Heather!...Heather!...Heather! Heather: "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Douglas: "Whoa, Bossy bitch!" LOL, you didn't go far enough. Douglas: "And look at this Heather, now I'm smearing peanut butter all over him and he's not even doing anything; I'm smearing peanut butter all over his face and he ain't doin' nothin'. Alive people get p*ssed whenever people spread peanut butter all over their faces. Speaking of which, now I'm p*ssin' on him and he's not doing anything about it, he's just sittin' there getting wet, the dead bastard. Now I'm putting him in the incinerator and he's not fighting back at all! Alive people fight back, or they at least stop, drop and roll. This dead guy's just dropping and burning. Damn, he's dead! And look at these ashes a' his. They're just sittin' there on the floor, lettin' me rape 'em. Alive people don't just let other people rape their ashes like that." Heather shoots Douglas dead. Heather: "Hey, how do you like getting peanut butter spread all over your face and peed on!? Well, you can't do anything 'cause you're DEAD!"
|
|
|
Post by Vaan-Knight on Aug 14, 2009 6:35:17 GMT
Heather is fighting Leonard at the hospital's basement.Heather: Oh shit... how can I beat the crap out of him when he stays in the water and only comes out to hit my pretty arse?! Heather thinks for a second and the SHF O comes to her mind.Ah! Of course! where's my laptop? Heather takes out her trusty laptop and starts looking for some spoiler-free gaming site.Heather: Argh!! free porn adds! there's no time for that!!! ...Today *hits Alt+Z*After a couple of minutes she finds the "engrish sirent hillu site" thread in our beloved forum and decides to look into it.Heather: let's see... Character's Bios... "--With pretences is teenager used this it siê differing oneself nothing from one's peers. Adolescent girl, for anxious matters normal used supposedly this age. However little, who knows that remembrances and nightmares haunt with past from which wants to shake free oneself, Heather to forget.--"Heather: What the f**king hell?! let's see the boss strategies section... "--Leonard Wolf - Claudia's father. Fight takes place in small channels. Leonard is enough slow, but for this resistant. His attacks restrain to maximally several knocks with the help of hands. To fight the best use Shotgun, but if it lacks use you ammunition this from Katana. It depends his tactician on plunging in water, boarding how the nearest you and attack because water is dirty him to notice hard. To to avoid his attacks the best to run with engaged alternative view and to wait until it will emerge. Whenas will make shoot or (if you use Katana) have run up since so many and give withdraw several blows, poczym oneself, repeat this tactics several times.--"Heather: (smashing the laptop on the wall) Who the fu*k wrote this garbage?!! Flashback to Heather's apartment a couple of years ago, we find Harry typing animatedly on a keyboard:Harry: Let's see now... "--Someday, someone may experience these bizarre events. Hopefully, they will find my notes useful--"______________________________ EDIT: I meant no disrespect for the mentioned site's authors, but I couldn't help myself... I used actual paragraphs from it, I hope no one takes legal actions against my humble post... if they understand it that is.
|
|
|
Post by blacky on Aug 16, 2009 2:24:05 GMT
Douglas: Heather. Did you... Heather: You don’t have to call me that. I’m not hiding anymore. Douglas: You want me to use your real name? What was it again... Heather: New Harry, that's my name. And you can be New Kaufman!" Douglas: "What are you talking about?" Heather: "Whoa, look I have titties now!" Douglas: "Harry? Harry is that you? Get out of Heather's head right now!" Heather: "Hey! There's a cotten candy machine over there! I am going to stick my head in it!" Douglas:
|
|
|
Post by Kiryū Kazuma on Aug 16, 2009 14:35:00 GMT
Douglas: Heather. Did you... Heather: You don’t have to call me that. I’m not hiding anymore. Douglas: You want me to use your real name? What was it again... Heather: New Harry, that's my name. And you can be New Kaufman!" Douglas: "What are you talking about?" Heather: "Whoa, look I have titties now!" Douglas: "Harry? Harry is that you? Get out of Heather's head right now!" Heather: "Hey! There's a cotten candy machine over there! I am going to stick my head in it!" Douglas: oh my lol
|
|