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Post by Vaan-Knight on Nov 22, 2009 19:27:19 GMT
At the church library:
Heather: Hmpf...
Vincent: Don't you stand there looking so smug! You're the worst person in this room!
Pyramid Head: Excuse me, where is the adult section in this library?
Vincent: Alright, the second worst person...
James: Hey, look pyrie! "Green Eggs and Ham!"
Vincent: *sigh* OK, the third worst...
Walter: Hey, what are you guys talking about?
Vincent: Oh, for fuck's sake!!
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Post by dreggnog on Nov 30, 2009 16:29:55 GMT
At the church library:Heather: Hmpf... Vincent: Don't you stand there looking so smug! You're the worst person in this room! Pyramid Head: Excuse me, where is the adult section in this library? Vincent: Alright, the second worst person... James: Hey, look pyrie! "Green Eggs and Ham!" Vincent: *sigh* OK, the third worst... Walter: Hey, what are you guys talking about? Vincent: Oh, for fuck's sake!! James: "Teehee, remember that "special" version of Green Eggs and Ham we made together Pyrie?" Pyrie: "I know what you're thinking." James: "I'll make the buttered popcorn!" Pyrie: "I'll get the whipped cream!" Vincent: "Oh Jesus! Heather, you're a good person as long as you don't do THAT!" Heather: "Popcorn and whipped cream, that sounds like fun!" James + Pyrie: "NO GIRLS ALLOWED!!"
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Post by dreggnog on Dec 30, 2009 0:27:23 GMT
Vincent: "Heather, that's what you're called now is that right?"
Heather: "Maybe, but you can call me by my real name, Chud."
Heather pulls down her skirt to reveal her manness.
Vincent wakes up sweaty.
Vincent: "Ahh, I thought all my dreams were coming true, but it was just another stupid dream!"
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Post by blacky on Jan 4, 2010 0:25:37 GMT
Vincent: "Heather, that's what you're called now is that right?" Heather: "Maybe, but you can call me by my real name, Chud." Heather pulls down her skirt to reveal her manness. Vincent wakes up sweaty. Vincent: "Ahh, I thought all my dreams were coming true, but it was just another stupid dream!" Pyramid head: "Stop talking to yourself darling and go back to sleep" Vincent:
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Post by dreggnog on Jan 4, 2010 20:01:43 GMT
Heather: "I knew you were on her side."
Vincent: "How do you figure?"
Heather: "I saw the license plate of your car when I came in here. It said Cluadia vs. Hillary Election 2012."
Vincent: " . . . Oh, umm, it's not like I'm serious about it or anything, I just, you think, think a slapfight between them during a steamy debate would be fun."
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Post by Lolli on Jan 15, 2010 14:43:52 GMT
Heather: Hey dad, I'm home.
Harry: Hiya sweetie, have a nice day?
Heather: Dad, I'd like you to meet my new friend.
Heather holds out her arm as a her new friend approaches Harry.
Harry: *Eyes widening* Well, Heather never told me she had such beautiful friends.
Harry takes her hand and kisses it.
Walter: Um what are you doing?
Harry: *Jumping back in shcok* Oh God I'm so sorry, I thought you were a chick.
Heather: You see, this is why I tell people you died in a car crash.
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Post by Lolli on Jan 26, 2010 13:48:14 GMT
Harry is watching VH1 Classic.
Harry: Wow, those Hanson girls sure are cute, especially the one on the keyboard.
Heather: Dad those are boys.
Harry: ......Oh great not again. And what about you, are you a man too?
Cybil: I used to be.
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Post by dreggnog on Jan 28, 2010 15:24:55 GMT
Heather sees Vincent for the first time. He's naked and handcuffed to a desk.
Vincent: "Oh thank God. Hey, you wanna be my new best friend?"
Heather leaves.
Vincent: "Sh*t."
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Post by The Crimson One on Jan 30, 2010 0:53:35 GMT
Heather: "Harry..."
Harry: "huh?"
Heather: "I'm pregnant."
Harry: Oh $!@#^!
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Post by Blackdog on Jan 30, 2010 21:42:51 GMT
-Claudia meets Vincent in the motel room.- Claudia: Vincent... Are you wearing my dress?! Vincent: My name is not Vincent anymore. It's Veronica. Claudia: Are those stains on my dress too?! Vincent: Veronica has been a very naughty girl.
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Post by blacky on Feb 14, 2010 17:28:37 GMT
Douglas: "Hi I am Douglas Cartland, Private detective"
*Douglas shows Heather his I'D*
Heather: "You're vice president of the Robert Pattinson fan club?"
Douglas: "Whoops! Wrong card! No idea how that got in there"
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Post by dreggnog on Feb 16, 2010 21:39:49 GMT
Heather: "Dad, I'm home. Something really crazy's going on. I think we should . . . Dad? . . . (see's Harry's dead body in the chair, gasps)
Harry leaps up from the chair. "WHO'S YOUR DADDY!!?"
Heather screams. Harry starts laughing.
Heather: (crying) "Oh f8ck dad, that is not funny. You have no idea the sh4t day I've had."
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Post by dreggnog on Feb 21, 2010 12:39:03 GMT
OH MY GOD, HAVE I NEVER DONE A SMALL AFRICAN CHILD JOKE HERE BEFORE!? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!? Claudia is on the street corner with a large box. Cluadia: "Small african children! Get yer small african children here!" Heather: "I knew you were a loon but this . . . I mean, what would we need a small african child around for anyway?" Claudia: "Well, you could use it for all sorts of things (exceptforthesortofunmentionalblethingsthatwouldohsaygetdreggnogbannedorsomthing). For example! You could use it as a drum! (raps on s.a.c.'s head) You could use it as a pogo stick! (puts feet on sac's arms, boings around) You could use it as a javelin! (chucks sac) You could use them as chopsticks! (uses two to eat food) As socks! (shoves feet in two sac's mouths) As a baseball bat! To play catch with! To catch mice! To make homemade yogurt! You can even use one as a hat! (wraps small african child around head) "Ooooohhhhh, it's leaking. No, don't use it as a hat. But there are literally quadrillions of uses for small african children! Some of them are even legal! (shouldnt've said that part)." Heather: "Okay, I'll buy one. I'm going to name you Tim. Now Tim, let me show you how to use a gun. Now let me show you the kind of people you aim guns at." Claudia:
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Post by Vaan-Knight on Feb 22, 2010 23:49:36 GMT
OH MY GOD, HAVE I NEVER DONE A SMALL AFRICAN CHILD JOKE HERE BEFORE!? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!? Claudia is on the street corner with a large box. Cluadia: "Small african children! Get yer small african children here!" Heather: "I knew you were a loon but this . . . I mean, what would we need a small african child around for anyway?" Claudia: "Well, you could use it for all sorts of things (exceptforthesortofunmentionalblethingsthatwouldohsaygetdreggnogbannedorsomthing). For example! You could use it as a drum! (raps on s.a.c.'s head) You could use it as a pogo stick! (puts feet on sac's arms, boings around) You could use it as a javelin! (chucks sac) You could use them as chopsticks! (uses two to eat food) As socks! (shoves feet in two sac's mouths) As a baseball bat! To play catch with! To catch mice! To make homemade yogurt! You can even use one as a hat! (wraps small african child around head) "Ooooohhhhh, it's leaking. No, don't use it as a hat. But there are literally quadrillions of uses for small african children! Some of them are even legal! (shouldnt've said that part)." Heather: "Okay, I'll buy one. I'm going to name you Tim. Now Tim, let me show you how to use a gun. Now let me show you the kind of people you aim guns at." Claudia: That was sooooo wrong, but I can't help but keep it up...-------------------------------------------------------- Madonna: Hey wait! I want one too!! Angelina Jolie: Hey, go to the end of the line beesh!
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Post by dreggnog on Feb 23, 2010 21:42:52 GMT
Heather enters a restroom and hears scary noises coming from one of the stalls. She opens the stall door to see James and Pyramid Head having blindfolded sex with whipped cream and melted cheese. She slams it shut.
Heather: "I think I walked in on the wrong joke."
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