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Post by Lolli on Feb 22, 2010 13:33:45 GMT
Travis: I'm sick of all these jokes about the magical void in my pants. I want to be taken seriously!
S.H.F. Otherworld members snicker.
Travis: I mean it, I am sick of being the butt of these jokes.
S.H.F. Otherworld members burst out laughing.
Travis: Oh screw you guys, I'm going to Narnia *climbs into pants.*
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Post by dreggnog on Feb 22, 2010 18:14:43 GMT
Travis: (talking to the thousands of people living in a community in Pube-town) "Hey, I know that it kinda sucks down there and it smells bad and everything so I've decided to do something about it. I made you guys a castle out of legos." (drops lego castle into pants)
The tiny people rush into the castle and go into a lego craze.
Later, as Travis is jerking off..
Travis: "OH MY GOD!! THE TOP CAME OFF!! Hey, this is a lego! What the heck did you guys do to my pen9s!?"
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Post by blacky on Feb 23, 2010 4:20:04 GMT
*Travis stops to scracth his crocth, doing so causes a Genie to come out of his pants*Genie: "I am the Genie of your pants! I'll shall grant you one wish!" Travis: "Hmmmmm...........I wish I was tweleve inches high and two inches round!" *The Genie shrinks Travis down to the size of an action figure*Travis: "Not me! I meant my dingdong!"
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Post by dreggnog on Feb 23, 2010 21:38:47 GMT
CLASSIC SHF (A post of mine from the old forum)
Travis stands before one of the mirrors, deciding whether or not to go in. He takes a lucky quarter out of his pocket.
Travis: "Okay, heads I go in. Tales I don't."
He flips the coin. It's tales. He gives a sigh of relief and turns to start walking away.
From behind: "Ahem!"
Travis turns around and looks back at the mirror. His self in the mirror is holding up a quarter.
Other Travis: "I got heads."
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Post by AlexY on Feb 24, 2010 10:11:19 GMT
CLASSIC SHF (A post of mine from the old forum) Travis stands before one of the mirrors, deciding whether or not to go in. He takes a lucky quarter out of his pocket. Travis: "Okay, heads I go in. Tales I don't." He flips the coin. It's tales. He gives a sigh of relief and turns to start walking away. From behind: "Ahem!" Travis turns around and looks back at the mirror. His self in the mirror is holding up a quarter. Other Travis: "I got heads." I remember this one.
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Post by dreggnog on Feb 24, 2010 21:37:45 GMT
Travis pulls out his cell phone.
Travis: "Damn it, I'm not getting good reception out here."
Travis waves the cell phone around. Still no reception. Then he gets an idea. He looks around, then shoves the phone down his pants.
Travis: "Still nothing."
Travis moves the phone around inside his pants. Without luck, he moves it closer to his anus. Then, with a grunt, he shoves it up his anus. He hears a beep.
Travis: "I got a bar! Now I can call my friend! The buttons will be a little hard to press, but..."
Travis calls Tim, his agent.
Tim: "Travis?"
Travis: (screaming towards his anus) "Hey, Tim! How is that new contract coming along?"
Tim: "You're schedule for the guest appearance is looking great, Travis. I bet you can get a lot of money."
Travis: "That's great! Aww, you're so f8cking good at this, Tim!"
Tim: "You okay, Travis? Your voice is a little weird."
Travis: "Don't worry about me, man. Just keep going! Come on, keep it up!"
Lisa walks in, eyes wide.
Travis: "Umm, it's more fun than it looks!"
(phone beeps) James: "Caaaan iiiiii joooooiin?"
(beeps again) Pyrie: "Hey James, now that we're both on the line, we should have sex while we're both on the phone. Then it's like we're having sex in Travis's anus!"
James: "Yeah!"
Sexual noises emit from Travis's anus as he stands with his arm stuck in there holding onto the cell phone as Lisa stands frozen to the spot with shock.
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Post by blacky on Feb 25, 2010 2:14:42 GMT
*The end of the game...*
Alessa: "well thanks Travis, for getting the Flauros peices and stoping Dahlia's plans and all that. well bye!"
Travis: "hey hey hey! Arn't we forgeting something?"
Alessa: "Huh?"
Travis: "You really thought I would go through all that and not expect some kind of reward?"
Alessa: "Reward?"
Travis: "Harry got his daughter back as a baby, James got to see Mary again and starts a new life, Heather gets to see Dahlia die, Henry gets a chance to score with Eileen and all that. What do I get?"
Alessa: "Oh fine!"
*Alessa starts singing*
Alessa: "For he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow For he's a jolly good fellow, which nobody can deny"
Travis: "That's it?"
Alessa: "And roll credits!"
*The screen fades to black and the credits roll*
Travis's voice over: "Damn you Konami!"
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Post by Lolli on Mar 5, 2010 14:38:27 GMT
*The end of the game...*Alessa: "well thanks Travis, for getting the Flauros peices and stoping Dahlia's plans and all that. well bye!" Travis: "hey hey hey! Arn't we forgeting something?" Alessa: "Huh?" Travis: "You really thought I would go through all that and not expect some kind of reward?" Alessa: "Reward?" Travis: "Harry got his daughter back as a baby, James got to see Mary again and starts a new life, Heather gets to see Dahlia die, Henry gets a chance to score with Eileen and all that. What do I get?" Alessa: "Oh fine!" *Alessa starts singing*Alessa:"For he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow For he's a jolly good fellow, which nobody can deny" Travis: "That's it?" Alessa: "And roll credits!" *The screen fades to black and the credits roll* Travis's voice over: "Damn you Konami!" Alessa: Well okay, I suppose I can grant you an appearance in the next game. Travis: Oh really! Alessa: Yeah, sure. Travis: Will I be the main character again!? Alessa: No, you get a five second scene with about two lines of dialogue as you drop off the new protagonist then ride off into the sunset never to be seen, heard or remembered again. Travis: God Dang It! Alessa: You're also old. Travis:
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Post by dreggnog on Mar 18, 2010 1:48:56 GMT
Travis walks in on the Butcher killing a nurse. Upon sight, the Butcher suddenly leaves.
Travis: "Huh? Why'd he-"
The cops show up.
Cop 1: "Freeze!"
Travis: "Huh!? But I didn't-"
Cop 2: "He said freeze! Put your hands on your head! ...Okay, now we're going to examine you for evidence."
Travis: (smiling inside) "Okay then."
Cop 1: "What're you finding?"
Cop 2: "Multiple porno magazines, some old cheese its, used tissues, bottle of germ-x, loaf of old garlic bread, several small african children, cups and plates, cough drops, the queen of England, a lucky quarter, can of frosting, oversized novelty hats, the country of Greenland, a half-full box of tic tacs, the first season of Oz on DVD, some cheap sodas, a couple of Fruits Basket Japanese mangas, a couple of Digimon mangas (didn't know they even made those), some oranges, a clock radio, an empty blueberry yogurt, dripping ice cube trays, condoms..."
Travis: "Umm, I can explain about the condoms!"
Cop 1: "You mean to say to use them for perfectly legal adult sex?"
Travis: "Uhh, yeah, that."
Cop 2: "Can I go on? Onions, candles, a ball point pen, geez I feel like I'm reading one of those I spy picture books, more cough drops, a bouncy ball, a small puppy, meow mix (for the puppy?), bottleopener, multiple opened bottles, Jesus Christ, can of tomato soup, bottle of aspirin, cheap TracFone, phone charger, a PSP with a copy of some game called Silent Hill: Origins inside, a very large mirror, a copy of Green Eggs and Ham, a reciet, a . . . a bag of hair!?"
Travis: "Oh, come on, is that really any weirder than Jesus Christ?"
Cop 2: "Oh true, I'll just set that aside then . . . Bill Cosby's book on parenthood (looks like a lot of stuff is written in red ink on it), shredded cheese, an elderly native american, a spoon, a spatula, a fast food grill, the entire set of Pee-Wee's Playhouse, Pokemon trading card, picture of a guy named Alex (it says "One of the only guys who didn't want to just get in my pants."), Bill Clinton (he's wearing a saddle for some reason, Japanese lantern, toothbrush, alarm clock, umm ... crotch ... sorry dude, blood pressure medication, AAHHHHH!!!!! SPIDER!!!! GET IT OFF ME TED!! GET IT OFF ME!! ...whew., laptop (multiple porn sites and Silent Hill Otherworld are in the favorites), rubber chicken, clown horn, pinball machine, picture of Ted's wife (Ha ha, I'm just kiddin), loaf of bread, perscription for Viagra, washing machine (Ted, help me get this thing out of his pants), IV stand (WTF), refrigerator magnets, toilet, bar soap, barstool, bartender, Barbar the elephant, backscratcher, reading glasses, Stephen King book..."
Cop 1: "Aww, that it Rick, we're not gonna find anything. Besides, even if he did have a weapon, it would take too long for him to find."
Travis has been standing this whole time with his pants down.
Cop 2: "Yeah, maybe we should just go- wait a second... what the hell!?"
Henry's upper body emerges from Travis's anus as he uses the hole in his bathroom.
Henry: "What the hell? Cops. Uhh, maybe I should come back later." (tries to go back in)
Cop 2: "Oh no ya don't! You're coming with us! Tim, see what else is in that anus o his!"
Cop 1 (Tim) puts on a glove and shoves it up Travis's anus.
Cop 1: "Here's a knife, a blunt pipe, Jesus there's a shotgun and . . . a slegehammer!? You shoved a motherf*cking sledgehammer in here!?"
Travis: "I can't explain why or how I did it. All I can say is . . . man it feels good to have that out of there!"
(Travis is put in prison)
Travis: "Well, I guess it's not too terrible. I mean, they didn't search hard enough to get every weapon. All I'm gonna say is, the next prison inmate who tries to anally rape me is gonna get some nasty surprises..."
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Post by blacky on Mar 25, 2010 1:35:50 GMT
*Travis is looking through his stuff, but something is wrong!*
Travis: "It's gone! Everything in my ass is gone! Where the hell did it all go? Wait, hang on! There is something in there! Oh I hope it's a chain saw or something, I really need a weapon!"
*He pulls the thing out of his ass*
Rick Astley: "We're no strangers to love You know the rules and so do I A full commitment's what's I'm thinking of You wouldn't get this from any other guy
I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand
Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you"
Travis: "That guy gets everywhere"
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Post by dreggnog on Mar 26, 2010 15:16:04 GMT
Travis begins making love to Lisa.
Lisa: "Oh, wow! This is a lot better than I expected!"
Travis: "Huh!? What the- Bill Clinton, get the hell out of there!"
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Post by dreggnog on Apr 8, 2010 2:39:15 GMT
Having shoved too many things up his anal storage, Travis has gone to K-Mart to get some tampons for the bleeding. He is standing in the aisle looking at all the different kinds, unsure.
Travis: "Excuse me?" (to a lady) "Which kind should I get for anal bleeding?"
Lady: (very loud) "I wouldn't know anything about that, sir!" (looks left, then right, leans forward and whispers) "Heavy flow, extra absorbent."
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Post by blacky on Apr 14, 2010 0:02:13 GMT
Travis: "Nope! I am not taking any more of this shit! I am just going to go home!"
Alessa: "But you have to help me! No one else will!"
Travis: "I don't care! Give me one good reason why i should help you!"
Alessa: "I'll give you Gummi Bear"
Travis: "What? Who the hell do you think I am? I won't do anything for a friggin Gummi bear!"
Alessa: "I'll give you two Gummi Bears"
Travis: "That's more like it!"
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Post by dreggnog on Apr 26, 2010 20:53:59 GMT
Lisa: "God, I need money and there no f*ckin ATM in this sh*t-town." Travs: "I have an ATM. In fact I've never needed to go to the bank." Lisa: "Really!? Where!?" Travis: "...Never mind." Lisa: "No, you sounded sincere! Where!?" Travis: "...Up my ass." Lisa: " . . . Okay, I'll bite. And just how did an ATM get shoved up your ass?" Travis: "During a party, a couple of my friends busted it up and jacked it and shoved it up my ass." Lisa: (trying not to laugh) "Well, gosh, those don't sound like very good friends." Travis: "Well, it's been very useful! Hey, tell me your ATM number and I'll get the money for you!" Lisa: "Oh, that's clever!" Travis: "What? I'm doing it so you don't have to shove your hand up my anus." Lisa: "Fine, and if you use it to get money, I'll kill you. It's **** (censored for privacy Travis shoves his hand up his ass and inputs the numbers. He takes his hand out and forty bucks shoots out his butt. ATM: "Thank you for using Anus Transaction Machine. We hope your money doesn't smell like poo." Lisa sprays perfume on the money and carefully picks it up by the corner. Lisa: "If I didn't really need the money..."
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Post by dreggnog on May 3, 2010 21:19:52 GMT
Travis meets Lisa for the first time. After she leaves, Travis takes out his lucky quarter.
Travis: "Okay, heads she likes me, tales she doesn't."
He flips it, it's heads.
Travis: "Drat."
As he's leaving, Travis walks by a mirror. In it, Other Travis is making out with Lisa.
Travis: "What the hell!?"
Other Travis: "Once again, I got heads."
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