Things Game Characters Would Never Say

[dreggnog]

Afternoon yall!

Some might say that this is going too far with the idea, but once I saw the potential in this I decided I had to at least give it at shot.

Basically, this is things characters wouldn't say... from any game. State what game you're making fun of before going into the joke.
And here we go!


Persona 4:

You opened the fridge.

There's some form of food substance in there, it's mostly yellow-brown with black around the eges. The middle looks muchy and the outside looks hard as rock. It's completely unidentifyable and covered in mold and rust. Insects are crawling all over it. It has a deadly arua that makes it feel like the very fires of hell are piercing your sould when you look at it.

. . . Eat it?

[blacky]

Metal Gear Solid:


Mei Ling: "The codec functions by directly manipulating the small bones in the ear, only you will be able to hear it, it allows for uninterupted communication"

Snake: "And the enemy won't hear my voice when I answer right?"

Mei Ling: "..............I knew I forgot something!"

Snake: "You mean they can? Oh shit they heard me!"

*gunshots are heared and snake dies*

[mr. worncoat]

Super Mario Bros. 3:
*Mario has just defeated Ludwig von Kooper, and is about to topple the tower.*

Toad: Say Mario, I never knew explosives had anything to do with plumbing.

Mario: Oh, yeah, it's one of the first things you learn in plumbing school.

Toad: Huh. Interesting. You know, this is the, what, 4th castle you've taken down recently?

Mario: Yessir, 4th castle.

Toad: Good work, excellent even, except for, I dunno, maybe you shouldn't be doing it. Call me silly, but couldn't you just let the place stand and be inhabited by the kingdom you're trying to save? And it WAS Ludwig van Kooper's, who kinda wrote some brilliant stuff, maybe you could at least let some of us go and retrieve it?

*click*

Mario: Sorry, couldn't hear you over the switch.

Toad: Aren't we a little close for this?

Mario: Naw, what, I'm a proffessi- *GAME OVER*

[blacky]

Super Mario:

Mario: "Princess! It's a me, Mario, here to save you for the hundredth fucking time! Mabye this time you can stay out of trouble yes?........erm......Princess?..............Oh Princess?!"

Princess Peach: "Help me Mario! Bowser has captured me again!"

Mario: "Oh fuck this shit! I don't know why I even bother, you seem to spend most your time a captured! I am just going out to pay a hooker, less effort required!"

[dreggnog]

Persona 4:

Daiske: "Kou, stop polishing those balls!"

Kou: "I looooooove them balls!" Kou takes two basketballs and shoves them down his pants.

You wonder if Kou is trying to make his testicles look bigger. Kou starts thrusting a little.

Kou: "I loooooooove them balls..."

You decide not to join the basketball team.

[dreggnog]

God of War:

Kratos enters the battlefield screaming his head off. Barechested, he brutally rips the wings off of two harpies and knocks them down, and drinks their blood. Then he shoves his blades up the middles of two minotaurs and rips them in half, screaming with rage and bathing himself in their blood.

Kratos: "WHO ELSE WANTS SOME!!?"

Zues: "Well, SOMEONE's compensating for something.

[Lolli]

Sonic The Hedgehog:

Amy is hugging and kissing a rosebush.

Amy: Sonic, I finally found you!

Sonic: For God's sake Amy put your glasses on!

[blacky]

Left 4 Dead 2:

Follow Gamer: "Yay! I've found the grenade launcher!"

Blacky: "Okay, but for heavens sake just be carefull with....

*Follow gamer accidently fires the Grenade launcher at a nearby wall and the whole team blows up, all the players are dead*

Follower Gamer: "LMAO!"

Blacky:

[dreggnog]

Crossover:

Kratos rips out his dual blades and screams in formidible bloodthirsty murderous fury.

Mario jumps on top of him and kills him, then continues on his way.

---

EDIT

(this made my friends laugh pretty hard)

Persona 4:

The Investigation Team encounters the murderer. He's standing with his back to them. The truth is about to be revealed. He's turning around...

It was Sephiroth!

Yosuke: "I knew it!"

[mr. worncoat]

Shadow of the Colossus

*Wander, after spending hours climbing around, finally reaches a mark on one of the gigantic beasts and plunges his sword into its glowy flesh.*

Colossus: No! My upper left arm, my only weakness! Why?!

*Wander gives a celebratory "woot" before noticing he's kind of ten stories in the air."

Wander: Uh-

*He loses his balance and lands with an uncomfortable thud.*

*Colossus lands on top, making a crunchy sound.*

*Horse whinneys in the distance.*

*Game. Over.*

[dreggnog]

Pokemon:

You let your Pikachu die in battle cause you really don't care about it. It lifts it's head.

Pikachu: "Pika pika pissed! Pika pika Fuck you! Pika pika gonna get you in your pika-sleep!"

[Lolli]

Metal Gear Solid:

Snake: Hey sweetie, how old are you?

Sunny: Nine.

Snake: Nineteen! You're first.

Sunny: Uncle Hal......

Snake: I like where this is going.

-----------------------------------------------------
Mario:

Mario hits a block and a mushroom comes out. He eats it but then someone taps him on the shoulder.

Policeman: Tsk, Tsk. Posessing drugs again, are we Mario?

Mario: I've told you officer, I'ma justa ona my a way to rescue the princess!

Policeman: Uh huh, that does not give you the right to take magic mushrooms.

He hauls Mario off.

[dreggnog]

Phantasy Star II:

Rolf has no idea that several party members have joined him and are waiting at his house. After the game ends, he returns. When he opens the door, a skeleten falls on him. A man who's on his way to becoming a skeleton approaches him.

Rudo: "Where... the hell... were you? We had to... eat each other... to stay alive..."

[mr. worncoat]

Donkey Kong Country 3

*Dixie and Kiddy enter the first banana-bird cave.*

Wrinkly: HEELLLLLLLLLLLLoooooooooooooooooooooo, children!

Dixie: AH! Oh.. hi, Wrinkly. Didn't think you'd be in a cave.

Kiddy: Do you live here?

Dixie: Yeah, what's the deal with that? I mean, married to Cranky, I get you'd want to get away, but a cave?

Kiddy: I thought you had a school.

*Wrinkly jabs a finger at a pile of half-eaten banana-birds*: I come for the crystal!

*Above the pile, a giant crystal glows brightly and flashes in a random musical pattern.*

Dixie: Well. That's really freaky. Are you feeling okay? You seem a little weird.

Wrinkly: The crystal knows all!

*The crystal flashes again.*

Wrinkly: The crystal sees all!

*Kiddy and Dixie back away for the entrance. The crystal beams a solid color.*

Wrinkly: You dare defy the crystal?! *she picks up the television* You shall kneel in death!

Kiddy: I can't run, I'm wearing feet pajamas! Noooooooooo!

[dreggnog]

Final Fantasy:

The hero takes a step forward, attacks the enemy and steps back.

The enemy runs up and punches him in the face.