Greatest Lines from Great Comics

[themightylebeau]

I have been reading a LOT of comics lately, and if there is one thing I have noticed its that sometimes there are lines as quotable as the best movies.

Be they insightful, insulting, or outright hilarious.

So, to start this off I give you the Reverend Jesse Custer from Preacher (Salvation).
The idea came from reading this line and (despite having read it a billion times) still makes me laugh hard.

"Why is it that champions of the white race are always the worst examples of it? You! Where the fuck is your chin!"

While this is probably the bit that makes me feel the most, mainly because my dad said something similar to me a few years ago when I was going through a rough time

"You gotta be a good guy, Jesse. You gotta be like John Wayne: you don't take no shit off fools, an' you judge people by what's in 'em, not how they look. An' you do the right thing. You gotta be one of the good guys, son, 'cause there's way too many of the bad."

So yeah there you go, they can be from ANYTHING comic/graphic related, from Superman to Peanuts and Transmetropolitan to Dilbert.

And yes I have told my girlfriend I will "love her until the end of the world"....

[alx]

The Dark Horse adaptation of BGC had one of my favorite lines ever, which is "Undeniably, I am in decline..."

but then I'm a huge fan of brutal self-evaluation

[Father Vincent]

One word:

SPOOOOOON!

[themightylebeau]

The Punisher - The Slavers

Library Assitant : Excuse me sir do you require any help?

The Punisher (while reading a book entitled "Basic Human Anatomy" : No

You just know someones in trouble......

[alx]

Gotta hand it to V-bone, he pretty much closed the thread. Sure, we can all give our personal favorites but let's face it...

[Toadkiller Dog]

Rorschach from Watchmen:
"Soon there will be war. Millions will burn. Millions will perish in sickness and misery. Why does one death matter against so many? Because there is good and there is evil, and evil must be punished. Even in the face of Armageddon I shall not compromise in this. But there are so many deserving of retribution ... and there is so little time."

[sunset]

Lady Shiva, the super-assassin from Batgirl fame:

"- I believe in letting people do as they wish, as do I myself."

"- Sometimes, of course, what I wish to do is kill them and they do not witsh to die."

"- This gives life interest."

Frank Miller´s "interpretation" of Wonder Woman in All-Star Batman and Robin, as she addresses an innocent bystander walking down the street:

" - Out of my way, sperm bank!" ;D

[Cenobite, that cute pariah]

Though I'm not much of a Marvel fan, I have to give it up for this Captain America quote from The Amazing Spider-Man #537


"Doesn't matter what the press says. Doesn't matter what the politicians or the mobs say. Doesn't matter if the whole country decides that something wrong is something right. This nation was founded on one principle above all else: the requirement that we stand up for what we believe, no matter the odds or the consequences. When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the whole world - "No, you move.""

[dreggnog]

(grabs a shit-ton of Calvain and Hobbes and starts leafing through it)

Calvain: (playing with toy cars) "Here comes the sprots car at 200 miles per hour! Here comes a cement truck! LOOK OUT! And here comes an inflammable chemical truck! OH NO!! This out to be good."

---

Mother: "CALVAIN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THE COFFEE TABLE?!?"

Calvain: (banging nails into coffee table) "Is this some kinda trick question or what?"

---

Mom: (to dad) "IT'S YOUR FAULT WE DIDN'T HAVE A SWEET LITTLE GIRL! YOUR STUPID CHROMOSOME!! NOT MINE!!" (leaves)

Dad: (to himself) ...I just live here.

---

Calvain: (sees problem 2+7=_) writes: I cannot answer this qwestion, as it is against my religious principles. (looks over it) "It's worth a shot."

---

Susie: "Calvain, pass this note to Jesssica. It's a secret note, so don't read it."

Calvain: (reads) Calvain you stinkhead: I told you not to read this. -Susie

---

Susie: "Girls have more delicate heinies."

---

Calvain: "Do you know where babies come from?"

Hobbes: "Nope."

Calvain: "Well, I wonder how one finds out!"

Hobbes: "...Here, let me see the back of your shirt. . . . You came from Taiwan."

---

Calvain: "Hi, Dad. It's me, Calvain!" (house flooded) "Listen, I suppose you're wondering why I called..."

---

Calvain: (on a valentine heart) Susie, I hate you. Drop dead. Calvin

(Damn, I've been spelling Calvin wrong this whole time, I'm not changing it!)

---

Mom: "Why should I DRIVE you, Calvin? it's a prfect day outside. What do you think people have FEET for?"

Calvin: "To work the gas pedal."

---

Calvin: "I need help on my homework. What's a pronoun?"

Hobbes: "A noun that lost its amateur status."

---

Calvin: "Watch. You put bread in this slot and push down this lever . . . then ifn a few minutes, toast pops up!"

Hobbes; "Wow. Where does thte bread go?"

Calvin: "Beats me. Isn't that weird?"

---

Calvin: "Do you love me, Dad?"

Dad: "Of course I do, Calvin."

Calvin: "Would yous till love me if I did something bad?"

Dad: "Well of course...I...would..."

Calvin: "I mean something really REALLY-"

Dad: CALVIN, WHAT DID YOU DO!?"

---

Calvin: "IT'S NOT FAIR!"

Dad: "The WORLD isn't fair, Calvin."

Calvin: "I kow, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?"

---

Calvin: "WHERE'S MY JACKET? I've looked everywhere! Under the bved, over my chair . . . on the stairs, on the hall floor, in the kitchen . . . it's just not anywhere! Oh, HERE it is! Who put it in the stupid closet?!?"

---

Calvin: "Let's see what happens if you cook popcorn without a lid."

---

Hobbes: "Do you think there's a God?"

Calvin: "Well, SOMEbody's out to get me."

---

Calvin: "Look! A tiger!"

Hobbes: "A TIGER!?" . . . "Don't DO that!"

---

Calvin: *sniff* "What did I ever do to deserve this?" (yells out window) "WHATEVER IT WAS, I'M SORRY ALREADY!"

---

Lost: My tiger, "Hobbes"

Mom: "Maybe you should describe him."

On the quiet side. Somewhat peculiar. A good companion, in a weird sort of way.

Mom: "I mean, what does he look like?"

---

Calvin: "THE WATER'S TOO COLD! Now it's too hot. Now it's too cold. Now it's too deep."

---

Calvin: "Calvin wakes up one morning to find he no longer exists in the third dimension! He is 2-D! Thinner than a sheet of paper, Calvin has no surface area on the bottom of his feet! He is immobile! Only by "waving" his body can Calvin create enough friction with the ground to move! Having width but no thickness, Calvain is vulnerable to the shightest gust of wind! To avoid drafts, he twists himself into a tube, and rolls across the floor! Someone is coming! Calvin quickly stuands up straight. Truning perfectly sideways, he is a nearly invisible verticle line! No one will notice! (later) "Hey Dad, know why you didn't see me all morning?? I was two-dimensional!"

Dad: "Hmm, I'll bet you can't do it all afternoon too..."

Mom: "Dear!"

---

Mom: "Calvin! It's time for your bath! ...Calvin?" (looks around)

Calvin: (fully clothed in the bathtub) "She'll never look here."


Sorry! Didn't think there'd be so many! This is my favorite comic! Obviously!

[mr. worncoat]

One of the few comics I've ever read and kept is an old favorite of mine, Johnny the Homicidal Maniac by Jhonen Vasquez. A quote:

"Sometimes... you can cry until there is nothing wet in you. You can scream and curse to where your throat ruptures. You can pray, all you want, to whatever god you think will listen. And, still, it makes NO difference. It goes on, with no sign as to when it might release you. And you know that if it ever did relent... it would not be because it cared."

[Toadkiller Dog]

Glad this got revived. Had to throw a Batman quote in here, this one from Hush.

"If Clark wanted to, he could use his super-speed and squish me into the cement. But I know how he thinks. Even more than the Kryptonite, he's got one big weakness. Deep down, Clark's essentially a good person.

...and deep down, I'm not."

[Cenobite, that cute pariah]

From Green Lantern: Rebirth #1, Green Lantern John Stewart on why Batman and Hal Jordan (and by extension, Batman and Green Lanterns in general) don't get along.

"I'm tired of this. I'm tired of the disrespect Batman slings Hal's way. You've always had a thing against him, haven't you? And I finally see why. Hal is the one person in this world that didn't buy what you're selling. Hal was the man without fear.

And what is "The Batman" when you're not afraid of him?


Just a man."