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Post by blacky on Aug 17, 2010 1:39:06 GMT
Travis: "Arrrggghh! I hate this! Everything I toucth ends up breaking!"
*He turns round to see Alessa, he starts shaking her shoulders*
Travis: "Why are you doing this to me? Why?"
*Travis shakes her so hard that she snaps into two*
Travis: "Oh shit, I think I just broke her!"
*Travis makes sure noone is looking and then sweeps Alessa under a carpet and then walks away*
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Post by dreggnog on Aug 17, 2010 16:08:44 GMT
A bunch of moving people are moving furniture into Travis' anus.
Travis (bent over): "That's right! Keep it coming! And make sure you put the chandilears where I showed you in my drawing!"
Contracter: "Hey, wait a second! This anus wasn't built to code!"
Travis: " . . . Are you questioning the work of God?"
Contractor: "...My mistake! Let's keep moving, people!"
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Post by Kiryū Kazuma on Aug 18, 2010 9:59:55 GMT
A bunch of moving people are moving furniture into Travis' anus. Travis (bent over): "That's right! Keep it coming! And make sure you put the chandilears where I showed you in my drawing!" Contracter: "Hey, wait a second! This anus wasn't built to code!" Travis: " . . . Are you questioning the work of God?" Contractor: "...My mistake! Let's keep moving, people!" Mike Holmes - This is terrible not built to code tear it down!
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Post by dreggnog on Aug 19, 2010 3:51:01 GMT
Travis: "Where the f*ck is the hill!?"
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Post by blacky on Aug 19, 2010 16:01:02 GMT
Strange groan: : "WoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOh!"
Lisa: "What was that?"
Travis: "What was what?"
Strange groan: : "WoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOh!"
Lisa: "That!"
Travis: "Oh don't mind that, it's just my ass, it's haunted you see"
Lisa: "Haunted?"
Travis: "Well people go in, not all come out, there's bound to be ghosts hanging around""
Lisa: "right........."
Strange groan: : "WoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOh!"
Travis: "Shut up!"
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Post by dreggnog on Aug 25, 2010 11:56:47 GMT
Travis: "I've got the whoooole world, in my pants. I've got the whoooole world, in my pants."
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Post by Lolli on Aug 26, 2010 16:34:25 GMT
Travis: *Looking in his pants* What's going on down there?
Inside his trousers an entirely new world has been created. Little people look up at him in awe.
God: Sorry Travis, I had to do something to pass the time down here.
Lisa walks by and winks at Travis. His pants becom involuntarily wet.
Little People: It's the second cumming, Lord be praised!
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Post by blacky on Sept 8, 2010 2:04:36 GMT
Doctor 1: "So who's this new patient?" Doctor 2: "When we picked him up, he was running about town in some kind of delusion that there were monsters attacking him" Doctor 1: "Is that why he was moved straight to solitary confinement?" Doctor 2: "Not quite....." *They enter a cell, where Travis has his own arm shoved up his ass*Travis: "I know I have a deck of cards up there somewhere!" Doctor 1: Doctor 2: "He's gotten worse! Somebody get a straight jacket!"
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Post by blacky on Sept 8, 2010 17:04:14 GMT
Doctor: "So Travis how are you?"
Travis: "I feel much better doctor, my mind feels clear"
Doctor: "Not seeing any monsters lately?"
Travis: "No"
*A nure comes in and places a puppy on Travis' lap*
Doctor: "how do you feel about the puppy, no urges?"
Travis: "No, no urges........."
*travis starts shaking and sweating*
Travis: "........YES! I HAVE TO! I JUST HAVE TO!"
*Travis tries to shove the puppy up his ass*
Doctor: "Nurse! hold him! Someone get that puppy away from him!"
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Post by Kiryū Kazuma on Sept 26, 2010 9:34:21 GMT
Travis and Lisa looking for a house walking down to Koontz Street estate agent. Sales Person "Ah Sir & Madam you looking for house?" T & L "Yes we are" Sales Person "Right his way" As they arrive at 25 konntz street Lisa quickly distracts the Sales Person fakng a hurt fanny, whilst Travis like a Cheetah scurries to the roof of the house pulls down his pants sits down and lets off the most almighty straining grunt ever. Next thing Sales Person and Lisa looking back in amazement house is gone and Travis is on the earth where the house once stood buttoning his pants back up. Walking home and finding a clear plot of land Travis bends over and expels the house seemingly happy with the newest acquisition. Travis "Hey baby lets christen the bad boy " Lisa "Sorry no not anymore" Travis"Why godaammit woman!?!" Lisa "You could of washed your ass out with soap before hand, I don't want to live in a house that smells of 2 year old stuff thats been up your ass and last nights tocco bell" Travis "facepalm!"
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Post by blacky on Sept 26, 2010 21:54:49 GMT
*Travis' first encounter with a nurse in the hospital...*
Travis: "Stop!.....Hammer time!"
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Post by blacky on Oct 26, 2010 21:36:03 GMT
Travis: "Yay! The ass jokes are declining! Looks like I am finally free!"
Travis' ass: "Ah shut your meat curtains!"
Travis: "What?"
Blacky: "Your ass can talk now"
Travis' ass: "You better believe it, Knob nose!"
*Travis tries to stifle his own ass with his hands*
Travis: "No I refuse to let this set off more ass jokes!"
*Travis' ass bites his hands*
Travis: "Arrghh! what the hell? my ass has teeth?"
Travis' ass "Hell yeah!"
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Post by dreggnog on Oct 26, 2010 23:35:38 GMT
Travis is sitting on a psychiatrist's chair.
Travis: "I lost a game of poker yesterday."
Psychiatrist: "Well, that doesn't sound too terrible, unless ... did you lose a lot of money?"
Travis: "No. No money. It's just ... what I lost to was *covers face in hands* MY OWN ASS!!!"
Psychiatrist: "Wow. All I can say is ... you belong here."
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Post by Lolli on Oct 28, 2010 22:38:59 GMT
Travis: Lady, there's sumthin' seriously wrong with your daughter!
Dahlia: Alessa is fine.
Travis: Does she look fine to you?
Travis pushes a door open and Alessa is lying on a bed, impaling her genitals with a crucifix.
Alessa: LET JESUS FUCK YOU!
Dahlia: Oh she's just going through puberty.
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Post by dreggnog on Oct 29, 2010 2:51:16 GMT
Woman in Church: "Dear lord, please bless my mother, who is sick in the hospital from-"
Travis taps her on the shoulder and she looks around.
Travis: (whispering in her ear) "The little pubic people are playing tic tac toe in my pants and it tickles." He sits back.
The woman turns back around, disturbed, and continues praying.
Woman: "Dear lord, please help this poor insane weirdo..."
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