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Post by dreggnog on Aug 13, 2009 1:33:43 GMT
James meets Eddie for the first time.
James: "You're lame, and fat, and weird! No one wants to hang out with you!"
Eddie: " . . . I have a trampoline."
James: "Hey, all that stuff I said, I was just kiddin' around. So, umm, can me and my friends play on your trampoline?"
Eddie: "Uh, okay!"
James, Henry, Alex, and Eddie are jumping on Eddie's big trampoline.
Henry: (stoned expression as he goes up in air) "Dude . . . this is awesome."
Alex: "Hey, James, who's the guy who owns this trampoline?"
James: "Who cares!? The trampoline is more important than he is!"
Henry: (looks at Eddie) "What the hell?" (gets out steel pipe)
James: "Uh, no no no!" (takes away steel pipe) "Come on man, this is sweet."
Angela shows up.
Henry: (looks at Angela) "What the hell? (gets out steel pipe, realizes he doesn't have steel pipe anymore) "What the hell?"
Angela: "Eddie, can I talk to you for a minute?"
Eddie comes down.
Angela: "Eddie, what are you doing with these people? They're not really your friends, and you know it."
Eddie: "Hey, they are too! I don't need you anymore, Angela. Just go away."
Angela starts crying. She goes over behind a tree and starts cutting herself.
James: "Hey, look! That enormous thread over at Silent Hill Heaven was valid! She DOES cut herself!"
James, Henry, and Alex start laughing. Eddie watches them, shocked, then looks over at Angela, who's now just sobbing. He glares.
Eddie: "All right, that's it!"
He gets under one of the legs of the trampoline and shoves the whole thing over. James, Henry, and Alex come tumbling to the ground. They get up, shocked.
Henry: (stoned out and pointing) "He tipped over the trampoline."
Eddie: "Everyone's always makin' fun of Angela and me just becuase we're different! It makes me mad enough to kill somebody! First the kids at school were laughing at me, then the people on TV we're laughing at me, then the people on the cereal boxes, then the-"
James: "Eddie, have you gone nuts?"
(long silence)
Henry and Alex stare at James, shocked. A cold wind blows. A tumbleweed blows between James and Eddie.
Eddie: "I knew it, you too. You're just like those cartoony cereal box mascots, James. You've been laughing at me all along, haven't you? I'll kill you, James!" (gets out gun)
Alex: "Holy f*ck! He's got a gun!"
Henry: (stoned expression) "Let's the two of us get out of here."
Alex and Henry run away.
Eddie pulls the trigger on James. Water squirts out of the gun and gets James wet.
Eddie: (angrily throws down water pistol) "Damn the childhood metaphors in this post! I really wanted to shoot him!"
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Post by blacky on Aug 14, 2009 3:23:26 GMT
*the end of the game, James is starting up his car*
Larua: "On the way home, can we stop for icecream?"
James: "Yeah, why not?"
Laura: "I want every flavor!"
James: "You can have one!"
Laura: "I want every flavor, or I turn you in for killing Mary"
James: ".......every flavor it is" *Sweat drop*
Laura: "Then you are going take me to Disney world!"
James: "DISNEY WORLD? I can't...."
Laura: "Ah ah ah! remember about Mary"
James: "..........Okay, Disney world it is"
Laura: "Then your going to build me a life size Barbie house!"
James: "Hey Laura, I've got a present in the back of the car! Why don't you go and get it?"
*Laura gets out and walks to the back of the car, James stamps on the reverse and backs into Laura, running her over*
James: "Take that you little bitch!"
*He turns to see Pyramid head sitting next to him*
Pyramid head: "Tut tut tut!"
James: "Oh for christ's sake!"
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Post by Vaan-Knight on Aug 14, 2009 7:36:41 GMT
James finds Pyramid Head for the first time.James: Who are you...? A spotlight turns itself on above PH's head, he takes out a wireless microphone.Pyramid Head:"Your own personal tormentor, Someone to punish your sins, Someone whithout a disease." Mary: Good for you, James knows how to take care of those ¬¬ *Shows pillow*"Your own personal tormentor, Someone to rape you clean, Using just this!" *Shows the Great Knife*"Feeling the guilt and youre all alone, except for that bitch by the lamp post." Maria: You'd better be talking about some nurse, Pyramid Dick-Head... "Pull down your pants, Ill make you a believer." "Take second best put me to the test, things on your chest you need to confess I will deliver You know I'm not a forgiver!" "Reach out and touch THIS!!" *puts hand on his crotch*James: Dave Gahan from Depeche Mode:
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Post by Kiryū Kazuma on Aug 14, 2009 22:34:43 GMT
epic lolz
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Post by blacky on Aug 15, 2009 23:01:46 GMT
*The stairway scene where James finds pyramid head finds pyramid head doing dirty things with an lying figure*James: "Heh! You call that a wang? Now this is a wang!" *James drops his pants*Pyramid head: 'GASP!" *Pyramid head sulks as he starts to walk away*Lying figure: "Where are you going?" Pyramid Head: "I am going to find a little corner to cry in!" Lying Figure: "But arn't you going to fight James? Pyramid head: "What's the point? I can't antagonize him if he has a bigger dingdong than me!" *Pyramid head leaves* James: "Well I guess I am now the alpha male in this town, so I believe you can continue what you were doing mr Lying figure, but this time with me!" Lying Figure:
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Post by dreggnog on Aug 16, 2009 20:55:48 GMT
Room S3.
Maria: "James, wait. It's just a hangover."
James: "You should rest." (leaves)
Maria immediately gets up and makes sure he's gone. She puts on a black afro wig, orange jumpsuit and makeup.
Later, in Nighmare Hospital...
James: "Hey, Maria, I'm ba-"
Black Afro Guy: "Hey, what the hell are you doing in here!?"
James: "Holy sh*t!" (runs)
Maria: "Ha! Teach him to kill his wife."
Pyramid Head: "We're supposed to use metaphors to punish him."
Maria: "This is a meaphor! The afro is like . . . pubic hair! And the jumpsuit and makeup is like a clown! Yeah, clown pubic hair!"
PH: . . . "What the hell does that have to do with anything!?"
Maria: "I don't know, I just saw the wig while shopping, and well, sometimes a girl gets a feeling ya know?"
PH: . . . "Clown pubic hair!?"
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Father Vincent
Lying Figure
What's wrong? You don't trust me?
Shuwatch!
Posts: 367
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Post by Father Vincent on Aug 19, 2009 1:30:35 GMT
I think I did this one on SHF, but the new site gives me an excuse to do it again, since it's one of my personal favorites.
James, Eddie, and Pyramid Head are sitting at the bar in the bowling alley.
James: I killed my fucking wife, man.
Pyramid Head: You killed your fucking wife.
Eddie: Who killed James's wife?
Pyramid Head: Shut the fuck up, Eddie, you're out of your element.
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Post by dreggnog on Aug 20, 2009 23:18:02 GMT
Father Vincent, do you realize the unfathomable forces you have just unleashed!? Well, if he's allowed to do that, then I will too!
---
James enters the lobby and sees the two Pyramid Heads stab Maria.
James: "Why did you do that!?"
Pyramid Head points to James, then to himself.
James: "Huh?"
Pyramid Head points to James, then to himself, and then stabs Maria again.
James: "I still don't get it. What are you-?"
Pyramid Head gets down and walks up to James, taking the wallet out of his pants. He gets out the picture of Mary and goes back to Maria. He tapes the picture of Mary over Maria's face, then points to James, then points to himself, then stabs Maria.
James: "Right . . . no, I still don't get it."
Pyramid Head facepalms.
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Post by blacky on Aug 20, 2009 23:28:57 GMT
Eddie: "From now on, if anyone makes fun of me... I’ll kill em. Just like that."
James: "Well good on you." *sweat drop*
Eddie: "Are you patronizing me?"
James: "Whoa, no. I am agreeing with you. I am on your side"
Eddie: "Are you hitting on me? cause if you are!"
James: "Look, let's just sit down and have a Pizza or something"
Eddie: "Your trying to make me fat?"
James: "No, I just thought you'd like a pizza, well if you don't want pizza mabye something less fatening, like a Salad"
Eddie: "Are you suggesting a salad because you think I am fat?"
James: "No! Okay lets skip the food, lets just sit down and have a few laughs"
Eddie: "About me being fat?"
James: "No, about....erm......my wife! She was funny, my wife"
Eddie: "Wife? I hate my wife! she left me! Thinking about her makes me angry!"
James: "Okay lets forget wives, what about televison! I like Televison"
Eddie: "I hate Televison! Seeing so many skinny people me feel angry!"
James: "Erm.......ugh....Let's just sit down then, get some chairs........"
Eddies: "Chairs? CHAIRS? I HATE CHAIRS! ALWAYS BREAKING WHEN I SIT ON THEM! UUUUUGGHHH I AM SO ANGRY! I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU JAMES!"
*Eddie starts shooting at James*
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Post by Vaan-Knight on Aug 21, 2009 18:36:49 GMT
James is talking to Angela on the burning stairsAngela: James, give me back that knife. James: No... I won't Angela: Planning on using it for yourself, huh? James: Nothing like that! Dont think I don't know what your're after!! I'm the only one who can lick the ketchup on the tip!! *licks knife frantically*Angela: ...James... That's not ketchup... James: ...it's not? Angela: ... James: ...crap, I even rubbed it against my hot dog... -------- OR -------- Angela: Planning on using it for yourself, huh? James: No, I'd never kill myself. Angela: Oh yeah? what about the In Water ending?! James: Ack! um... that was... for the sake of completion >.> -------- OR -------- Angela: Oh yeah? what about the In Water ending?! James: Huh?! you mean I DIE on that ending?! I was trying to find Bikini Bottom...
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Post by dreggnog on Aug 21, 2009 22:47:51 GMT
James tries one of the phones in the apartment. It won't work.
James: "Wha- i-it won't work! Why won't it work!?"
He check the line.
James: "Oh my God, the cord's cut! WHO DID THIS!?"
Henry: "God, I people f*ckin' overreact to stuff."
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Post by Lolli on Aug 22, 2009 21:07:11 GMT
Angela: Oh yeah? what about the In Water ending?! James: Huh?! you mean I DIE on that ending?! I was trying to find Bikini Bottom... Lots of Spongebob jokes today, ha ha.
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Post by dreggnog on Aug 23, 2009 2:18:00 GMT
A smiley faced sun comes out from behind a couch and goes up towards the cieling while happy music plays. James: (in clown makeup) "Are you ready!? Are you ready!? Are you ready for an awesome day!? With Jamie and Pyrie, a clown and his dolly on the big, comfy couch!" Pyrie: "Okay, after this were even, alright, EVEN!" James: "Pyrie, dolls can't talk. You need to be taught a lesson. I'm gonna put my hand in you and use you as a puppet." Pyrie: "Noooo! I'm too self-consious!" James: "Uh oh, there he goes again. Hey children, do you think that Pyrie needs to be taught a lesson?" (TV screen nods) Pyrie: "Why!? Why!? The children are against me!"
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Post by Kiryū Kazuma on Aug 23, 2009 15:33:33 GMT
lol awesome stuff mate
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Post by blacky on Aug 24, 2009 0:14:54 GMT
*Pyramid head comes out of an shed, just like that guy in the skecth from 'the fast show'*
Pyramid head: "This week I 'ave mostly been shagging...orangutans!"
*And he walks back into the shed*
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