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Post by The Crimson One on Jun 4, 2010 7:30:39 GMT
Heather after she vomits: "You could have at least held my hair back! You are so not getting laid tonight!
Claudia: "You don't even know where you are right now do you?"
Heather: "Imuna do anuther kegstand!" "Hey!...do you have a cigarette?"
(Claudia thinks she smells Captain Morgans on Heather's breath)
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Post by dreggnog on Jun 5, 2010 3:19:56 GMT
Heather uses the Sexy Beam and her stamina gets depleted. Tired, she lays down in the Transform outfit, sprawled out. Vincent walks in.
Vincent: "Aww, I'm too late. Looks like someone's already gotten to her. She's completely used up!"
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Post by The Crimson One on Jun 6, 2010 0:35:58 GMT
(later that night)
Vincent comes back into the room while Heather is finally getting up.
Vincent: It's time to get worn out by another kind of "sexy beam" *zip!*
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Post by dreggnog on Jun 6, 2010 20:42:44 GMT
Heather: This is the last car, all I see ahead of me is the track. Wait, then who was driving the train!? Oh my god . . . it's a ghost train! OH MY LORD, I"M GONNA DIE!! I'M ON A GHOST TRAIN AND I'M GONNA DIE!!! I'M GONNA . . . oh wait I'm at the back of the train not the front.
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Post by blacky on Jun 16, 2010 1:44:48 GMT
Heather: "I used to be afraid of getting pregnant, but not any more since I've token Silent hill's birth controll pill! Just take one small pill and you'll be vomiting up that annoying fetus!"
Announcer: "Silent hill's birth controll pill! Get back into controll!
Silent hill birth controll pill may have side effects including demonic possession, eternal damnation, internal bleeding, ruptured Uterus and infected aspragus. we suggest that you don't try to use the pill on fetuses any older than five months otherwise you risk breaking your jaw trying to vomit it up. It is important that men don't take the pill, otherwise they will vomit the contents of their testicles."
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Post by dreggnog on Jun 25, 2010 1:48:07 GMT
Heather: "Daddy, I'd like you to meet my new boyfriend. (whispers) "It's okay, come on out." Valtiel steps out. He's in a tuxedo and struggling very hard to walk on two legs. Daddy: "Well, okay, make sure to practice safe sex." Heather: "I'm not sure that's actually possible. (looks at Valtiel) I'm not sure he has a penis or anything. I just assume he's a guy cause he likes sports." She pulls apart the jacket on the tuxedo to reveal a sports shirt in favor of the Colts. Daddy: "Hmm, well I'm a Patriots fan myself but as long as he can't get you pregnant he's more perfect for you than any other boy out there." He nods and leaves. Heather: "It's okay now. Let it out." Valtiels penis rips through his suit, two feet long and with a sharp deadly point at the end. Heather: "Well, I didn't lie about EVERYTHING, it WOULD be impossible to practice safe sex with that thing." Vincent makes a low growling sound. Heather: "Oh, you hungry?" She fills a bowl with brown sugar and allows Valtiel to shove his head into it and start slurping. Heather: "Ooooooh, can I be next?" (Mods, I fully understand if you wanna delete THAT one. :
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Post by Lolli on Jun 25, 2010 19:48:30 GMT
Heather and Valtiel are having sex when Harry walks in. Heather stops and stares at him shocked, struggling to pull the covers up over herself.
Heather: Dad, what the hell!?
Harry: Can I get you anything sweetie, some milk and cookies, orange juice, anal beads?
Heather: ..........Get the hell out! *Throws pillow at him*
Harry: *Closing door behind him* Pfft, she should be lucky she has a father like me. When I was kid all I got was a glass of water and a good thrashing.
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Post by dreggnog on Jun 26, 2010 1:33:11 GMT
Nightmare Hospital
Valtiel: "This area is of my own creation, using a certain woman's blood. The best parts are in red."
Heather: "EVERYTHING'S IN RED!!!"
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Post by blacky on Jun 26, 2010 23:14:20 GMT
*while heather and Valtiel is out Harry snoops around her bedroom*Harry: "Okay, good. at least they clean up after themselves" *He finds a pack of 'Silent hill's birth controll pills that heather left on her bed*Harry: "Ooooooh! Candies!" *He swallows all the pills*Harry: "Oh god! I feel sick! I think I am going to throw up!" *He vomits up his own testicles and they come to life*Harry's Testicles: "AAAAARRRRRRGGGHHHHH!" *they crawl up to an open window and jump out into the street below where they start terrorizing the public*Harry: "well that was fucked up"
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Post by Lolli on Jul 2, 2010 21:11:18 GMT
Heather is out shopping when her trolley hits Claudia's.
Claudia: Oh hi Heather, it's been ages. I heard you got a boyfriend.
Heather: Yep, he's called Valtiel, you might know him.
Claudia: Old Valti eh? Never would have guessed.
Vincent comes parading down with a shopping basket strung over his arm.
Vincent: Claudia, Heather how unpleasent to meet both of you here. So Heather, got a boyfriend now have you and all this time I thought you....?
Heather: I what?
Douglas: *Tapping her on the shoulder* Wow a boyfriend Heather, I always thought you bat for the other side.
Heather: WHAT! You thought I was a lesbian?
Claudia, Vincent and Douglas: ........Well, yeah. That's what we heard.
Heather: FROM WHO!?
Everybody looks over Heather's shoulder at Harry who is slowly slinking away in the background.
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Post by dreggnog on Jul 3, 2010 2:36:06 GMT
^
Heather: "Well, at least I HAVE a boyfriend! What have you been doing all this time Claudia?"
Claudia: "Well, after I birthed God I won the lottery joined a band and almost cured breast cancer!"
Heather: "AND!?"
Claudia: " . . . And . . . Umm . . . (grabs Vincent) I'm going out with Vinny here!"
Vincent: "What!? I can bang nurses whenever I want! I'm not going out with-"
Claudia: "Shut up!"
Heather: "Uh-huh. Hey Valti, it's kinda nippy in here and I'm a wittle cold." (makes pouty face)
Valtiel takes off his jacket and wraps it around Heather.
Heather: "Awww, thank you so much!" (kisses on cheek)
They walk off, hands in each others pockets.
Claudia: "Wh*re!"
Vincent: "Hey umm, if we have babies, you won't eat them will you?"
Claudia: "Oh shut up!"
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Post by dreggnog on Jul 20, 2010 7:04:02 GMT
Heather: "I have to use the bathroom. Please wait outside."
Dr. Eggnog sets the controller down and leaves the bedroom, waiting. Suddenly he hears a horrible monsterous sound and frantically re-enters the room and grabs the conroller.
Heather: "Hey, I told you to wait outside!"
Dr. Eggnog: "Huh? You're fine? But what was that horrible, monsterous sound!?"
Heather: "Umm, how much do you REALLY know about periods?"
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Post by Lolli on Aug 10, 2010 20:34:28 GMT
Heather: Dad, what are you playing?
Harry: Silent Hill, it's a game about some retard who crashes his car and ends up losing his seven year old daughter in a really screwed up town only to be dragged into some hellish dimension. If I were him I'd have done a much better job of finding my daughter and I wouldn't walk like there was a pole rammed up my arse!
Heather: Dad you ARE that retard!
Harry: *Looks at screen* Aww shit.
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Post by dreggnog on Aug 11, 2010 3:44:55 GMT
^ Harry: "Oh well, at least they made me look sexy."
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Post by Lolli on Aug 22, 2010 22:09:24 GMT
^Harry's phone rings. Harry: Hello?
New Harry: I'm still sexier.
Harry: *Slamming phone down* Curse you New Harry and your Moe glasses!
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