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Post by shade on Dec 13, 2011 21:20:50 GMT
Pyramid Head: "Ho Ho Ho, merry Christmas!" Nurse: "Oh great..........Pyramid head has got presents for us....can't wait to find out what it is." Pyramid Head: "No, this time it's something everyone can enjoy, go on and open them!" Nurse: "It's an free surgical operation coupon?" Pyramid Head: "That's right, you ladies are getting sorted out! I am tired of you being dead and numb down stairs, So you are all getting new nerve implants!" Nurse: "Hmmmm.......a bit sick, but it might make the job more enjoyable." *A week after Christmas*Pyramid Head: "Right, it's that time again, busy busy busy!" Nurse: "No Pyramid, please! These are my best clothes!" Pyramid Head: "Beh! if I had my way there would be no clothes!" *Pyramid Head merely touches the nurse and she becomes so wet that it gashes out like a pressure washer, completely soaking the bottom part of her outfit and causing a huge puddle on the floor*Nurse: "Coulden't you of implanted less sensitive nerves?" Pyramid Head: "Where's the fun in that?"
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Post by Lolli on Dec 19, 2011 21:53:39 GMT
Sarah: Jacob!
James: Huh?
Sarah: No, you're not.
James: Do I remind you of your boyfriend?
Sarah: No my late husband. I can't believe it. You could be his twin. Your jacket....just your face, voice, hair, name and age is different.
James: It's uncanny!
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Post by shade on Jan 8, 2012 22:27:23 GMT
*at the end of the game, James and Laura leave Silent hill*
James: "So......."
Laura: "So....."
James: "Want to discuss the morality of mercy killings?"
Laura: "You know when Rabbits poo, it comes out as round pellets?"
James: "Erm yes?"
Laura: "But then when Birds poo it comes out all white and wet?"
James: "Yeah...."
Laura: "But then when cows poo, it comes out as huge splats! Why is that?"
James: "I don't know"
Laura: "So how are we surpossed to discuss the morality of killings when you don't know shit?"
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Post by Lolli on Jan 9, 2012 0:07:40 GMT
Laura: Why are you crying?
James: I ressurected Mary using a spell I found in that weird book.
Laura: And?
James: She's dead.
Laura: Please tell me you didn't?
James: Why, why did I give her a pillow? Everytime I get close to someone, they go and top themselves. First Mary, then Maria, then Mary again. Why won't she love me. All I want is for someone to love me. Everyday I try and I try, but nothing good ever comes of it. Even my Mother killed herself. Oh why am I doomed to a life of suffering? But you'll never leave me, right Laura?
He looks at Laura, who has smothered herself with a pillow.
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Post by shade on Jan 10, 2012 19:56:49 GMT
Angela: "Me too. I'm looking for my mama... I mean my mother. It's been so long since I've seen her. I thought my father and brother were here, but I can't find them either... I'm sorry... It's not your problem."
James: "No, I... I hope you find them."
Angela: "Yeah, you too."
James: "What? That's the end of the conversation? Oh please go on! tell me more about your mother, or your father, or anything!"
Angela: "What's with you all of a sudden?"
James: "Well this is a Silent hill game, the end of this introductionary character cutscene means I have to enter the game prouperly and face scary monsters and I've already shat myself getting to this point. Oh please for the love of god don't let this conversation end!"
Angela: "Stop being a pussy and go already!"
James: "It's alright for you! You only appear in these cutscenes, the rest of your story is implied! I have to go through hours of horriffic sights, sounds and frustratingly perplexing puzzles! Can't we just stay here where it's safe and talk? Lets have a picnic right here!"
Angela: "Enougth of this bullcrap, if you won't go, i will!"
James: "You can't go!"
Angela: "Why?"
James: "Why?.......erm.......because I love you! Lets get married right here! that's bound to take a couple of hours at least"
Angela: "Piss off, I'm going"
James: "take me with you!"
Shade: "Aw sod this! I wanna play my game, I am skipping the rest of this cutscene"
*Shade skips the rest of the cutscene and returns James to the gameplay, though James can not speak while in gameplay, his face looked very pissed off and descriptive text appeared showing what he was thinking*
James' descriptive text: "Shade you arsehole!"
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Post by shade on Feb 5, 2012 1:36:39 GMT
James: "Do you do Poison?"
Store assistant: "Erm no sir, this is an furniture store"
James: "Have you got furniture that is comfy?"
Store assistant: "Oh yes, very comfy"
James: "So comfy that people fall asleep and don't wake up?"
Store assistant: "I don't think so sir"
James: "What about dropping a peice of furniture? will dropping a peice of furniture be enougth to crush the bones of a woman? A woman who looks like this?"
*James shows a picture of Mary*
Store assistant: "You want to kill that woman?"
James: "I didn't say that! I am just looking for cosy furniture for my poor sick wife"
Store assistant: "Okay....."
James: "Could a lamp crack a human skull?"
Store assistant: "Ermm...."
James: "Could a this pillow be used to smother someone?"
Store assistant: "I guess....."
James: "Cracking, I'll buy six!"
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Post by shade on Feb 6, 2012 16:37:17 GMT
James: "I killed a wife and I liked it, the sound of her life died down quick. I killed a wife just to try it, I hope my sick wife don't mind it. It felt so wrong, it felt so right. Don't mean I'm insane tonight. I kiled a wife and I liked it, I liked it"
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Post by shade on Feb 14, 2012 19:32:12 GMT
*seventy years later.....*
Old Pyramid Head: "Hello nurses, time for the old usual!"
Nurse: "How many times do we have you remind you, you are too frail to do us anymore, you senile loon!"
Old Pyramid Head: "I am not frail! I can do it!"
Nurse: "Pyramid, you have had Erectile dysfunction for the last ten years!"
Old Pyramid Head: "I can do it! Come on little fella, get erect!"
Pyramid head's crocth: "No"
Old Pyramid Head: "Get erect!"
Pyramid head's crocth: "No"
Old Pyramid Head: "Aw come on, Get erect!"
Pyramid head's crocth: "No"
Old Pyramid Head: "Aw Damn it!"
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Post by Lolli on Feb 14, 2012 22:02:37 GMT
Pyramid Head: Because it Saint Naked Cherub's day, I have decided to give you a gift as a token of my appreciation.
Nurse: It's not surprise butt sex is it? Because I've had quite enough of that.
Pyramid Head: No, it's even better!
Nurse: And I'm not letting you skull fuck me again. It took me weeks to get the blood out of my skin creases.
Pyramid Head: Look, it's nothing sexually perverted, I promise.
Nurse: You're lying.
Pyramid Head: No I swear look.
He pulls a heart from behind his back.
Nurse: *Gasp* is it real!
Pyramid head: One hundred per cent.
Nurse: It's still beating.
Pyramid Head: Because your heart never can.
Nurse: Oh Pyramie, it's so romantic.
Pyramid Head: Yeah, I'm sure the Tin Man doesn't use it.
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Post by shade on Feb 15, 2012 20:51:33 GMT
*James and Maria have just left the park and are heading up the west side of nathan avenue towards the bridge that will lead to the hotel, Pyramid head and a small group of mannequin monsters wait just off the road *
Pyramid Head: "So here is where we send a badass boss at them! Where's Terry the gaint all gobbling vagina?"
Mannequin:: "Yeah about that, Terry wasn't able to make it"
Pyramid Head: "But he's supossed to go out and fight them right now! What do we do now?"
*Pyramid Head in panic looks about for an idea*
Pyramid Head: "Ah fuck it!"
*Pyramid Head grabs the Mannequin next to him and throws it toward James and Maria, then he grabs the the next and tosses that towards them as well and continues to do so with the rest*
James: "Arrrgghgh! Where are these monsters keep coming from?"
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Post by shade on Feb 21, 2012 22:55:04 GMT
James: "Hello, I am James Sunderland and this is my new book on how to provoke fat people into a voilent raging fury in just five words! I call it 'Eddie, Have You Gone Nuts?' Here's what other people had to say about the book!"
Heather: "His ablity to say the exact wrong things at the wrong time is uncanny to say the least.......Now, where's my five dollars you promised me you creep?"
Harry: "I think it is a load of crap, I am not saying that because I am a failed author or anything"
Travis: "Fuck off!"
Eddie: "IT'S CALLED WHAT?!? I'LL KILL YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH!"
James: "You can get a copy of 'Eddie, Have You Gone Nuts?' from all of the good book stores.........oh wait they seem to be throwing them out in the trash......Well now you know where to get one!"
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Post by shade on Feb 24, 2012 4:16:01 GMT
Head Nurse: "PYRAMID!"
Pyramid Head: "You bellowed me lady?"
Head Nurse: "Have you been screwing with the monster generator?"
Pyramid Head: "No, last time I tried to screw it I caught my lad in the gears"
Head Nurse: "You know what I am talking about! Have you been messing around with the settings?"
Pyramid Head: "Erm..................nooooooooo"
Head Nurse: "Then explain that thing!"
Creature of a thousand orifices: "So many holes!.......So many yet he filled them all!"
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Post by shade on Mar 6, 2012 0:06:35 GMT
Creature of a thousand orifices: "So when do I get to chase James and cause his torment?" ;D
Head nurse: "Jeez....will someone put that thing out of it's misery already?"
Creature of a thousand orifices: "Noooo! I can be of use!"
Head nurse: "You are just a flab of fleash with alot of holes, Pyramid Head created you with one purpose and I think he is done with you"
Pyramid Head: "I have not!"
Creature of a thousand orifices: "I am not just fleash with lots of holes, watch I can do this!"
*A tiny leg ermerges from one of the creature's holes, he weakly pushes himself across the ground...........very slowly*
Head nurse: "That's just pathetic! Pyramid why did you give him one leg?"
Pyramid Head: "Something else was supossed to come out from there, but I pressed the wrong button when creating him"
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Post by shade on Mar 7, 2012 4:56:44 GMT
*James is walking down the street*
Creature of a thousand orifices: "This is my big chance!"
*The creature weakly pushes itself along with it's one leg towards James*
Creature of a thousand orifices: "Come on......Come on damn it!"
*It finally rests in James' path*
Creature of a thousand orifices: "Okay, I'll just lay here and trip him up!"
*James nears the creature, just as he is about to walk into it he sees it and steps around it and continue to walk further down the street*
Creature of a thousand orifices: "Curses!"
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Post by shade on Mar 13, 2012 20:17:21 GMT
Nurse 1: "Why do we let Pyramid head treat us like sex slaves? is it because he is stronger than us?"
Nurse 2: "BA! Hell no, The reason we let him sexualy harass us is because of what he is like if he doesn't get any for thirty minutes"
*We cut to Pyramid head, who hasn't got any for thirty minutes*
Pyramid Head: "Oh Oh! What's your favorite thing about sex? My is sex. Sex, going to have sex! can't wait Sex. Sex trail! going to put the whole town on trail, about sex, sex system. Guilty, of not having enougth sex! Going to have sex dad! Dad I am having sex! "I am proud of you son!" Dad are you sex? "Yes, now we can be a family again" Sex, Sex going to have sex, yes please sex. Sex, Sex going to have sex. Sex Sex, wanna have sex? Sex, Sex going to have sex, Oh boy! Oh play cool play cool, here comes sexy cops! Help me sexy cops, sexy cops help. going to have sex, going now, can't wait, gotta go. gotta buy video, wanna to see me? gotta buy video. Going to have sex, Sex! Yeah okay yeah okay. Sex, Sex, going to have sex, sex yes please sex. Wanna have sex, going to have sex, Oh Oh lets have sex! I love sex. Oh breasts, underwear, arseholes, mouths, woman bits. Sex, in my birthday suit. Oh the womb! going to meet the womb, oh oh what do I say?......Hi Womb?...Come here sex, I have a secret for you, no come closer. Wanna have sex, going to have sex. Sex. Hey, hey, hey lady! Hey lady! Lets have sex! Hey lady! Sex! I know, I know, I know, I know, Lets have sex. Hi, Hi, Hi, where you going? Where you going? Hey lady! Where you going? Lets have sex! Sex spell it! S....EEEXXX! i love sex. Hey lady, I am the best at sex. wait I know, wait I know, wait I know, Sex. Gotta have sex. Are we having sex yet? What's the hold up? Gotta have sex, gotta have sex! need to have sex. I love you sex. So much sex, gotta see it all. I am having sex, SEEEEEEEEEEEEXXXXX! SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEXXXX! YEEEAAAAH HAAAAAAA!"
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