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Post by dreggnog on Dec 21, 2010 14:03:06 GMT
*SH4 High*
Henry and Eileen are trying to have sex for the first time together.
Henry: "Here?"
Eileen: "I don't think so."
Henry: "Here?"
Eileen: "Nope."
Henry: "Here?"
Eileen: "OW! That hurts!"
Henry: "Oh, then it can't be the right place."
Eileen: "Actually..."
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Post by Lolli on Dec 24, 2010 21:44:30 GMT
Henry has his mates round for a Christmas party.
Claudia: I got a bible for Christmas. I'm so happy, my old one was getting a little threadbare.
Vincent: Lucky you, all I got was a knife in the back.
He turns around to show her the blade embedded in his flesh. Meanwhile Harry bursts out of the washroom stark naked, quickly followed by Cybil who is cuffed to the washing machine.
Cybil: Give me back the key to my handcuffs Harry!
Cheryl: Dad, make yourself decent!
Harry: *Placing a lampshade on his head* Shhhh, if she can't find me she can't make me look for you.
Eileen is by the fruitbowl, pouring herself a glass of punch. Henry takes advantage this opportunity and shuffles over to her with a bit of mistletoe dangling above his head.
Eileen: No Henry, go away.
He bows his head and shuffles off.
Maria walks by.
James: Mmmm, Mmmm, Mmmm.
Mary: *Slapping the back of his head* James you insensitive bastard, I'm standing right here!
James: Well if you'd show a little more skin I wouldn't have to look at other women.
Mary: I hate it when you drink, you're a complete stranger to me.
James: *Under his breath* Now I know why I suffocated you.
Mary: What's that?
James: Oh nothing flower of my life.
Pyramid Head comes in wearing a fur coat and holding a pimp stick. Two nurses hang off his arms.
Pyramid Head: Right Denise, why don't you and your sister go to the bedroom while I get your drinks.
Nurse: I'm Gina, that's Denise.
Pyramid Head: Oh shit sorry. I can't tell the difference, You nurses all look the same to me.
Nurses: Racist!
Richard, Travis, Heather, Curtis, Kaufman and Lisa are playing cards.
Curtis: I win again! Alright blondie get your jugs out.
Heather: Bugger off, I'm not playing anymore.
Curtis: Oh come on, I've been playing all night and I haven't seen one nipple!
Heather: Ask Lisa.
He turns to Lisa.
Lisa: No, before you ask. You will never see my nipples.
Kaufman: I have, *He squeezes her breast* Pomp, pomp!
Elle and Alex are sitting on the sofa whilst Josh plays at their feet.
Alex: I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and I've decided I want to take our friendship to the next level.
Josh: ALEX!
Elle: What do you mean?
Josh: ALEX!
Alex: I want to be more than just friends.
Josh: ALEX!
Alex: Because I--
Josh: ALEX!!!!!
Alex: Shut the fuck up you little shit!
Elle and Josh both stare in shock as Alex realises his mistake, clears his throat and slowly sits back down.
Alex: On second thought, let's just be friends.
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Post by dreggnog on Dec 25, 2010 3:57:02 GMT
^James: "I thought you were a one human pyramid man!"
Pyramid Head: "Huh? These ain't women, these are nurses."
Nurses: "Hey!"
Vincent: "But ... but ... I'm the pimp." (whimper)
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Post by blacky on Dec 30, 2010 2:34:02 GMT
*SH4 High*
Henry: "Sweet Caroline, Good times never seemed so good. I've been inclined, To believe they never would"
Eileen: "Whoa what's that noise?"
Henry: "I am singing a song about you, you stupid bitch!"
Eileen: "My name isn't Caroline you silly billy!"
Henry: "It isn't?"
Eileen: "No, I am............................Donald, no I mean Eileen!"
Henry: "I don't know a song called Eileen"
Eileen: "What about 'come on Eileen'?"
Henry: "How does that go?"
Eileen: "............................I don't know"
Henry: "....................."
Eileen: "....................."
Henry: ""Sweet Caroline!"
Eileen: "Good times never seemed so good!"
Henry: "I've been inclined!"
Eileen: "To believe they never would!"
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Post by blacky on Jan 9, 2011 21:17:37 GMT
Frank: "I've got umbilical cords, I collect them you see"
Eileen: "That's....................nice"
Frank: "Want to see them?"
Eileen: "Oh I can't, I haven't got the time"
Frank: "Don't be silly dear, Won't take a moment. Now this one was from my own son James"
Eileen: "How.........lovely"
Frank: "Yeah I removed it with my own teeth!"
Eileen: *edging towards an exit* "fascinating!"
Frank: "And this one has an Embryo still attached!"
*Eileen runs off screaming*
Frank: "strange young lady, really, really strange"
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Post by Blackdog on Feb 2, 2011 17:54:04 GMT
Henry: If you were a Booger I would pick you first.
Cynthia: Get lost creep.
-----
Henry: If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
Eileen: Lame, Creepazoid.
-----
Henry: Hey, do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checkin' out ma' package
Cynthia: Again? Are you a few brain cells short, Sicko?
----
Henry: I forgot my phone number. Can I have yours?
Eileen: Leave me alone!!!!
---
Henry: Walter, I've tried everything I just get either of these two women to sleep with me. They just look at me funny.
Walter: Buddy, pal of mine. You're looking at the wrong women. See that fine piece over there in the big hat? Well try this line for her... -whispers-
----
Henry: Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns.
Pyramid Head: YOU'VE PULLED
Henry: ARHHHHH!
----
James: Heehee. Walter, here's your money.
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Post by blacky on Feb 2, 2011 19:52:45 GMT
*Henry encounters the ghost of Cynthia*
Cynthia: "Spppeeeeeeeeccciiaaallllll faaaaaaaaaaaavoooooorr!"
Henry: "Kinky!"
*twenty minutes later Henry is in Cynthia's room fixing her television as she make ghoulish sounds at him*
Henry: "This wasn't the kind of special favor I had in mind"
Cynthia: "SSSCRREEEEESSSSHHHH!"
Henry: "Okay, okay! I'll fix it. Just stop making those noises"
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Post by blacky on Feb 9, 2011 21:42:06 GMT
*Eileen walks into her room to find Henry there*
Eileen: "What are you doing in my room?"
Henry: "I think you will find that this is my room! Your room is the haunted one!"
Eileen: "No I am not having that room! Get out!"
Henry: "Didn't I just say this was my room?"
Eileen: "Look all my stuff is here! So it's my room!"
*Henry picks up all of Eileen's stuff and throws them out the window*
Henry: "They arn't now!"
*Eileen lights a macth and sets the bed on fire*
Henry: "Okay it's your room!"
Eileen: "Nope, you clearly said it was your room!"
*the fire goes out of controll and sets light to everything in the room*
Eileen: "Oh shit"
*they both run out of the room and call down the hallway*
Henry and Eileen: "Richard! Your room is on fire!"
*Richard comes out of his room*
Richard: "I thought this was my room!"
*Henry and Eileen run into Richard's room and block the door from the inside*
Richard: "Oh hell no!"
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Post by dreggnog on Mar 16, 2011 21:57:39 GMT
Henry studies the hole. He sticks his hand in.
Woman in Nebraska: "Someones raping me!"
---
Henry studies the hole. He shoves his fist in.
Richard opens his fridge and gets punched in the face.
---
Henry studies the hole. He can hear children crying.
Henry: "I'm gonna be really mean."
He sticks in a copy of The Fox and the Hound. The childrens crying increases.
---
Henry studies the hole.
Henry: "How the hell did that get there!?"
Henry takes the hole off the wall and shoves it down the back of his pants.
---
Henry reads the memo stating that the world around him is a manifestion of Walter and particulary, his mother.
Henry studies the hole. He sticks his hand in.
Walter barges into the room and punches Henry in the face.
Walter: "That's my mom you arsehole!"
---
Henry studies the hole, and decides he's had enough for one day.
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Post by blacky on Apr 4, 2011 1:40:48 GMT
Cynthia: "What ever happened to my part? It was exciting at the start. Now we're halfway through level five And I've been gone since I stopped being alive.
I've been offset for far too long It's ages since I had a song. This is one unhappy actor The producer's have deceived her. There is nothing I can sing from my heart. Whatever Happened to My Part?
I am sick of my career Always starting second gear Up to here, with frustration and with fears. I've no Grammy no Rewards, I've no Tony Awards, I'm Constantly replaced with Britney Spears
Whatever Happened to My Show? I was a hit, now I don't know. I'm with a bunch of goulish deads, not walking but floating instead
Whatever Happened to My, I'll Call my Agent, Dammit! Whatever Happened to My Not Yours, Not Yours, But My Part!
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Post by Lolli on Apr 4, 2011 17:08:17 GMT
Henry takes Eileen's hand, guiding her through the hole in the wall. Suddenly he emerges in A-Ha's 'Take On Me' music video. Morten takes his hand and together they run from a couple of crazies with wrenches before Henry suddenly falls back into hospital world.
Eileen: Henry!
She runs over and hugs him.
Eileen: Where did you go? You just disappeared all of a sudden.
Henry: *Crying frantically* I don't know!
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Post by blacky on Apr 13, 2011 22:19:57 GMT
*Henry is peeping through the hole in the wall*
Henry: "That's right Eileen, take off that shirt......Now the pants.....and the undies....yes and here we go.....WHAT THE HELL? WHAT IS THAT DOING THERE?"
*Henry runs into the shower with his clothes still on, turn it on cold and cries as the cold water soaks his body*
Henry: "OOOHHHH MYYY GOD! WHHHHHHHYYYY? BAH WAAAAA! WHHHHYYY EEEEILLEEN WWWHYYYY?"
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Post by dreggnog on Apr 14, 2011 12:20:04 GMT
^ In the shower, Eileen appears right behind Henry.
Eileen: "Oh believe me Henry, it's much more fun this way."
Henry wakes up screaming in his bed. There's a knock on his wall.
Eileen: "Um, Henry, are you okay?"
Henry: "YES IM PERFECTLY FINE WOMAN! JUST KEEP YOUR FILTHY MAN-BITS AWAY FROM ME!!!"
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Post by blacky on Apr 15, 2011 6:38:20 GMT
Eileen: "Ohhhhh Henry!" Henry: "What?" Eileen: "I've got a surprise for you, wait here!" *Eileen disapears into an changing room, the sound of undressing can be heard*Henry: "AARRRGGHH! NOT AGAIN! DO NOT WANT! DO NOT WANT ANY DICK!" *Henry literally crashes through the wall as he flees, leaving a Henry shaped hole in the wall*Eileen: "Henry, where you go?" *She comes out wearing the sexy nurse costume*Eileen: "I thought he would of liked this"
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Post by Lolli on Apr 15, 2011 9:33:09 GMT
Henry: Everywhere I look I see it. Everywhere!
Eileen: Hi Henry, would you like a lick of my ice cream?
Henry: Oh God, not again!!!
Eileen: *Holding out the cone* It's strawberry.
Henry: Keep that filthy phallic thing away from me!
Eileen: Henry....
Henry runs away, screaming in fear. Over the following weeks, he resorts to locking himself back in his room, curled up in a corner with his trusty metal pipe.
Eileen: I really think you need professional help.
Henry: Stay back, I've got a pipe!
Eileen: You can't keep running away from things because of their shape.
Henry: The hell I can! I cleared out my entire inventory. No more holy candles, no more wine bottle, no more golf clubs or sword of obedience! Nothing!
Eileen: But, what about that pipe?
Henry, who was polishing the pipe in a very suggestive manner, stops and stares at it for a few seconds before screaming and hurling it to the ground.
Henry: OH GOD!
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