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Post by dreggnog on May 13, 2010 2:13:23 GMT
Travis: "I don't wanna go over to the other side! It's creepy!"
Other Travis: "Come on! I like being in the light world!"
Travis: "Can't you come over here without me being over there!?"
Other Travis: "Oh wow, then we could work together."
Travis: "Whoa! Look, I don't go in for that kind of para-dimentional self-relationship stuff. Sure I'm flattered, maybe even a little enticed, but the answer is no!" (walks off)
Other Travis: "I just meant fighting monsters and stuff, I don't even think I'm attractive. ...aww, that made me feel bad.
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Post by dreggnog on May 19, 2010 14:21:05 GMT
A U-Haul truck is driving towards Travis. Travis pulls down his pants and bends over. The storage truck drives right in.
Travis: "Awwwwwwwhhhhh yeeeeeaaaahhhhhh...... I can't believe they pay me to do this."
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Post by Vaan-Knight on May 19, 2010 16:03:50 GMT
It's 2007. Travis is reading the script and is about to sign his contract to appear as the main character of Silent Hill Origins.Travis' agent: Wait a minute, Travis... Maybe this isn't the best way to boost your career... where do all the weapons and stuff go to when you save them up? it almost looks as if you thrust them up your... Travis: Nah, what's the worse thing they can say about that? 2010, Travis reads the posts in the SHF otherworld.A U-Haul truck is driving towards Travis. Travis pulls down his pants and bends over. The storage truck drives right in. Travis: "Awwwwwwwhhhhh yeeeeeaaaahhhhhh...... I can't believe they pay me to do this." Travis: What can I say? when you're right, you're right... Travis' agent: Fine... can I get out now? Travis: Well, alright, it feels itchy and funny when you move around anyway.
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Post by Lolli on May 27, 2010 11:12:04 GMT
Travis meets Alessa on the other side of the mirror.
Travis: Wow this is a big mirror.
Alessa: Do you know what this mirror does Travis?
Travis: It shows you your hearts deepest desires.
Alessa: That's right Travis and it can make them come true, all you have to do is touch the glass.
Alessa touches the glass and leaves a handprint, Travis does the same and spazzes out.
Travis: Woah, what just happened.
Alessa's voice echoes 'Your hearts deepest desires'. Travis looks at his reflection, he now has boobs and make-up on and is wearing a mini skirt.
Travis: *High pitched voice* Oh it's my dream come true, I've become a beautiful lady.
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Post by dreggnog on May 28, 2010 12:02:16 GMT
Kaufman and Lisa make love on the heart-shaped bed.
Kaufman: "That was nice, but I wish it didn't smell so terribly in this motel room."
Lisa: "Hmm, the drugs are wearing off..."
Kaufman and Lisa exit the room...and fall out of Travis's ass.
Kaufman: "OH MY GOD!!"
Travis: "Hope you had fun in there, cause I sure enjoyed it!"
Lisa: "I swear to God I'm never doing drugs again!"
(I think there's a message in here . . . I'm just not sure it applies to real life)
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Post by blacky on Jun 4, 2010 3:00:35 GMT
Travis: "Mother trucker!"
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Post by dreggnog on Jun 4, 2010 23:52:48 GMT
Travis goes to the mirror world. The strain of it causes him to pass out. He wakes up on the ground.
Travis: "Huh? I thought it would be all dark and scary here, but it's actually really bright and colorful."
Two unicorns pop out of nowhere and begin stomping on Travis.
Unicorns: (high-pitched voices) "Traaaaviiiiiis, you've gotta wake up Traaaaviiiiiis, we're goin teh Candy Mountain! Candy Mountain, Traaaaviiiiiiis, we've gotta go now! We've gotta go to Candy Mountain, Traaaaaviiiiiiiiis!"
Travis: "Ahhh! Stop it, you're crushing my kidney!"
Unicorns: "We don't have your kidney, Traaaaviiiiis, the butcher has it! We've gotta go meet the butcher on Candy Mountain to get your kidney back!"
Unicorn 1: "Or else!"
Unicorn 2: "Or else...you'll pee blood Traaaviiiis. Bloooooooooooooood!"
Travis: "Alright! Just get off me! We'll go to Candy Mountain!"
Unicorns: "Yaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!!!"
The Unicorns take Travis to Candy Moutain, singing all the way.
Unicorns: "Here we are!"
Travis: "What the f*ck!? This is a motel!"
Unicorns: "NOO, it's Candy Mountain, Traaaaviiiiiis!"
Unicorn 2: "Mountain!"
Unicorn 1: "Candy!"
Unicorns: "Traaaaaaaaaaaaaaviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis!!! You've gotta go meet the butcher and take your kidney back! Here, take this glove, Traaaviiiiis! It's a power glove!"
They hold up a grimy glove with spiders crawling all over it.
Travis: "I'm NOT putting that on! I got bit by a spider once and was in the hospital for weeks!"
In crudely animated fashion, the Unicorns begin jumping on Travis' head.
Unicorn 1: "But you need the power of glove!"
Unicorn 2: "Glove! Glove! Glove is all you need!"
Travis: "Fine! I'll put it on! Jesus Tapdancing Motherf*cking Christ!!!"
The Unicorns and Travis go to meet the Butcher. The glove seems to act on its own and grabs a hold of the Butcher's balls.
Travis: "Oh sh*t."
The Butcher cuts Travis up somethin' fierce and then leaves.
Unicorns: "Traaaaaaviiiiiiiiis, you didn't get your kidney back, Traaaaviiiiiiis! Why didn't you get your kidney baaaaack!?"
Travis: "Oh, I'll show you kidney!"
Travis shoves both the Unicorns up his anus.
Unicorn 1: "We can still talk to you, Traaaaaavvvvvviiiiiiiiisssssss!!!!"
Unicorn 2: "Do you wanna know why!?"
Unicorns: "BECAUSE WE'RE INSIDE YOUR BRAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIN!!!"
Travis: (starts crying) "Oh my God. This is way scarier than the game."
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Valtiel
Nurse
Crazy Dane!
Posts: 122
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Post by Valtiel on Jun 7, 2010 20:29:52 GMT
Travis is talking to Alessa in the kitchen at the hotel about some advice to keep pervs away...
Travis: When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favourite head up against the bar-room wall, and he looks you crooked in the eye and he asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol' Travis Grady always says at a time like that: "Have ya paid your dues, Travis?" "Yessir, the check is in the mail."
*the Butcher creeps on on Travis from behind*
Alessa: Um... Travis... you should-
Travis: Just remember what ol' Travis Grady does when the earth quakes, and the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake. Yeah, Travis Grady just looks that big ol' storm right square in the eye and he says, "Give me your best shot, pal. I can take it." Besides... it's all in the reflexes!
*Travis turns around and gets clobbered to death by the Butcher*
Alessa: My hero....
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Post by dreggnog on Jun 11, 2010 0:27:03 GMT
Travis: (seaching through his anus by hand) "Where the hell did my T-Rex and Giant Stapler just go?"
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Post by blacky on Jun 22, 2010 0:44:57 GMT
Alessa: "Travis, your ass is the Pandora's box!" Travis: "Erm......the what?" Alessa: "It means all the evils in the world are confined to the boundries of your arsehole!" Travis: "Oh really? Well let's have a look then!" Alessa: 'No! stop you fool!" *Travis pulls down his pants and all the evils of the world are released*Blacky: "And that's my theory as to how Silent hill got the way it is!" Everyone else:
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Post by dreggnog on Jun 25, 2010 1:26:05 GMT
The unicorns appear again. One of them has a kidney impaled on its head.
Travis: "Oh good God no..."
Unicorn 1: "TRAAAVIIIIIIS!!!! We got your kidney back from the butcher, Travis!"
Unicorn 2: "kiiiiiidnnneeeeeeeeey..." (begins licking the kidney)
Unicorn 1: "NO! You already had sex with it twice, now Travis needs it back!"
Travis: "What!? I'm not taking it back after you ... good lord!"
Unicorn 1: "We need to rip off his clothes so we can put it back in! Let's go to the hospital where there are surgical instruments!"
Five minutes later...
Travis bursts out from behind the shelf as two unicorns try to rip off his clothes.
Travis: "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT FEAR IS!!!"
He runs into the hallway as the unicorns rip off the last of his clothes and bumps into Pyramid Head.
Unicorn 2: "Look! It's Pyrie!"
Unicorn 1: "He probably wants to rape you Traaaavaaavaaaavvaaaavaaaaviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssss!"
Travis: "Whose side are you on!?"
Unicorn 2: "Take it as a compliment, Travis!"
Pyramid Head holds up a saddle.
Unicorn 2: "He uses that on us sometimes!"
Unicorn 1: "That's why my anus is bleeeeeeeeeeeeeediiiiiiiiiing!"
Travis starts crying.
Travis: "THAT'S RIGHT!! YOU SIT THERE AT YOUR COMPUTERS AND LAUGH!! BUT WHAT IF THIS WAS YOU!!? WHAT IF YOU HAD TO GET RAPED BY PYRAMID HEAD!!?"
Several fans of Silent Hill sigh and fan themselves at the thought.
Travis: (gaping) "Oh, you people are SICK!!!"
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Post by dreggnog on Jul 16, 2010 22:05:53 GMT
Travis: "Ewwww! A tin of sour cream spilled in my pants! Ewwww . . . ewwww . . . ummmm . . . hmmmm . . . yeeeeaaahhh..."
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Post by dreggnog on Jul 20, 2010 7:09:26 GMT
Travis gets out of the truck and sees Alessa.
Travis: "Aww damn it I missed her!"
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Post by Kiryū Kazuma on Aug 13, 2010 14:10:49 GMT
Travis having run out of mele weapons guns and other stuff cowers in the corner bent over on all 4 fours scared as a twoback prepares to impale itself. Then suddenly Travis anus starts to rumble and out of now "Haddddooooookkkeeennnn"
M-Bison comes flying out of travis anus flattening the twoback with ryu in hot pursuit. Henry walking by puzzled as ever "jiminy jilickers"!
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Post by dreggnog on Aug 13, 2010 14:15:47 GMT
^ The most unrealistic part of that post was Travis running out of melee weapons.
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